Breathe || negan

• ch 11 •

(TW: this chapter contains graphic description of PTSD flashbacks, survivors guilt, and sexual assault. If any of these topics would trigger you please skip this chapter)

Audrey POV

When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the shopping mall, I had only two things on my mind. Ricky Nelson, and a ride home.

(If you got that reference marry me)

On the way up, I rode with Laura and Arat in a small jeep but I don't like Arat very much. And it was sort of awkward between me and Laura.

So when we all met up after clearing out the Mall, I asked Negan if I could just ride with him, as he takes his own car by himself.

"Sure thing, sweetheart," He grins at me.

He's charming that's for sure.

I get into the passenger seat and he starts the small Honda.

We're at the very end of the long parade of trucks.

Once we get driving, I prop my elbow up of the window with my hand on my chin.

"How're you doin?" Negan asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Just dandy," I reply sarcastically.

He sighs and keeps driving in silence.

After a while we pass a gas station.

The same type of gas station... it happened in.

I close my eyes and try not to think about it.

When I open my eyes I can still feel my elbow in the car door but I only see the inside of a gas station.

Not this again, please.

"Get on the fucking floor, now!"

I'm laying on my stomach in the middle of the chips isle.

I can see Bobby from under the shelf. He's on his back in the isle beside mine.

His eyes are closed and there's blood covering his ear and some of his face.

I slowly reach my hand under the shelf in an attempt to shake Bobby and see if he was still alive.

Just as I was about to touch his shoulder, a bullet went clean through his skull.

"NO"

A huge boot steps on my arm and I hear the crack of the bone underneath the weight of the huge man.

"What're you trying to do, love?"

I start breathing faster and I can feel myself sweating.

My stomach churns and my heart is pounding out of my chest.

In the distance I hear a familiar gruff voice say "Audrey?"

Just as I hear the unbuckling of a belt, I'm being dragged by my legs across the gas station floor.

I close my eyes and tears fall effortlessly from them.

I try and breathe slowly and mentally prepare myself for the moment I've relived hundreds of times.

"Audrey!"

When I open my eyes, I'm in the passenger seat of a Honda and Negan is next to me, looking worriedly into my eyes.

Once take in my surroundings, I remember what just happened.

I keep seeing Bobby die, because I know it's my fault. I just laid there.

Negan POV

Audrey whips her head around, her eyes jumping over everything inside and outside of the car and then she looks at me.

Her chest is heaving and her hands are shaking.

I stop the car and pick up my walkie talkie.

"Simon, come in" I almost yell into the small device.

"Yeah, Boss?"

"We have a small situation, you all keep headed to the sanctuary, if we're not back by dusk, come lookin"

"Copy that"

I put my walkie my jacket pocket and turn in my seat towards Audrey.

She had brought her knees up to her chest and was hugging them.

I could see her nails digging into her skin through the rip in her pants, almost drawing blood.

"Hey girl, hey" I say as calmly as I can. I slowly take her hands away from her skin to stop her from hurrying herself more.

"Audrey, look at me,"

She's still shaking but her head tilts up and looks at me.

"You're okay," I say and take her hands in mine. "Breathe,"

She shakes her head rapidly.

"Shhhh... what is it? Talk to me, girl" I softly say and rub her hands.

She's breathing so fast and heavy I though she might hyperventilate again.

"Match my breathing okay?" I tell her.

I starts breathing in slowly through my nose and then out through my mouth.

Audrey tried her best to breath the same as me and she calms down a bit.

"What is it?"  I ask again.

She pulls her hands away from mine and wipes her face.

"Nothing," She sniffs.

"Honey i wasn't born yesterday, tell me what's wrong," I say as calmly as I can.

Audrey exhales. "It was just a flashback, I'm fine,"

"The only person dumb enough to believe that you're fine is Rick," I slightly smirk at my little joke.

She chuckles lightly and looks at me.

I see the agony in her green eyes. The hatred, the pain, the guilt.

"It was all my fault" her voice shakes and she chokes out a sob.

I don't know what exactly she was talking about but I can probably guess that it wasn't her fault.

"Come here girl," I bring her into a hug.

After a few seconds, she pulls away and slaps me square in the face.

"Touch me again and you fucking die," She shoots a death glare at me through her tears and sits back down in her seat.

Understandable although I was just trying to help.

"I gotta make a call," I say and open the at door, taking my walkie with me.

Audrey POV

I'm curled up in the passenger seat with my eyes closed.

I can hear Negan talking to someone on the walkie talkie but I can't make out what they're saying.

I decide to sleep for the rest of the drive.

I heard Negan enter the car again and start the engine.

He woke me up gently when we arrived back home.

The sun was already starting to set.

I trudge up to my room and fall asleep on my bed.

About three hours later, I'm awakened by a knock at my door.

I rub my eyes and stand up.

Once I've gained my balance I open the door.

But no ones there. I look down each direction down the hall. No one.

Just as I'm about to shut the door, I look down.

Sitting on the floor outside my room is a record player and a Ricky Nelson record.

Not any Ricky Nelson record:

Lonesome Town.