Work For Your Affection (BakuTodo)

change

Getting ready this morning takes longer than usual. It's not that I overslept or anything, but I'm struggling to stay focused. I keep getting distracted by my appearance in the mirror. Has my hair always been so wild? Why haven't any of my so called friends ever told me that I look like a fucking Pomeranian?

Don't even get me started on my body. Since when did I have such a feminine waist? Why can't I have a muscular frame like Kirishima or Sato? Or be tall like Sero? I'll even accept a smile like Deku's at this point. Sure, I may think it looks stupid, but lots of girls seem to disagree.

Suddenly I want to hide. From strangers, friends, and even myself. I can't go out in public when I feel this ugly. No wonder people always look so afraid of me. They must see all the same flaws that I do. Perhaps even more.

There's a soft knock at my door. "Bakugou?"

I'd recognize that voice anywhere. Of course Icyhot's outside waiting for me. That's been our situation for about a week. But that doesn't mean I'm happy about it.

The fact that it's Icyhot makes it worse. He's the last person I want to see me like this. After the hand holding and the hugging, it's important for Icyhot to see me at my best. I don't need him thinking for any reason that our little arrangement has turned me into some flustered, insecure loser.

He knocks again. "Are you awake?"

Fuck.

Okay, I can do this. I dip my fingers into some styling gel and apply it to the ends of my hair. It's still one giant fluffy mess, but it's not completely terrible. I finish getting dressed, cursing at myself for only owning baggy jeans that make me look smaller than I already do.

I apply a generous amount of deodorant to my armpits given that I'm sweating more than usual. While it helps, I still feel like I stink. I grab my cologne off my dresser, the one Icyhot complimented, and spray it on my neck and wrist. Shit. Maybe I should've only applied it to one place instead of two. Maybe it'll be too strong and Icyhot will think I'm trying to overcompensate for something.

Can I just die already?

Icyhot knocks one last time. "It's okay if you're running late. I'll be waiting out here."

Damn it. I wish he'd just go away. Because now I look like a jerk if I hide in my room and ignore him. He may assume that I overslept or something, but I'll know the truth.

After fluffing my hair and smelling myself a few more times, I take a deep breath and step into the hallway. Icyhot's here as promised, leaning against the wall. He smiles when he sees me and I'm a nervous wreck all over again.

"Good morning," he says. He takes a step closer. "Your hair looks different today."

"Oh." My heart drops into my stomach. I meant for it to be a subtle change. Is it really that obvious? "Yeah, uh..."

"I like it."

I ball my hand into a fist at my side. "You do?"

He nods. "Yeah. You look handsome."

I bite the inside of my lip. Now I wish he never said anything. How do I even respond to that?

"Not that you looked bad before," he clarifies. "But if you felt like changing your appearance a bit, I think that's okay too."

The more he speaks, the more I want to race back into my room and lock the door for all of eternity. I miss the quiet Icyhot who only mumbles a few words at a time. It sure beats the one in front of me, the one who thinks it's perfectly okay to say whatever the hell he feels like.

I scoff. "Do you have my homework or not?"

"Sure."

He pulls out the stack of papers and offers them to me. Our hands brush against each other during the exchange. I become too aware of how my pulse intensifies over something that shouldn't be a big deal. It's not like he did it on purpose.