I Wish I Had Her Life

9.

Hindi alam ni Katherine ang mararamdaman niya that time, tila ba na parang sa isang iglap, nawala ang galit niya sa nanay niya. Parang ang kailangan lang niya ay ang dahilan at maintindihan kung bakit ito nagawa ng nanay niya. At ang mas nakakagulat pa doon, inggit na inggit siya kay Nicole dahil sa pagiging mabuting ina nito kay Nicole.

"Dad?" She looked at him, and she glanced at Lea na hindi alam kung paano ang magiging galaw niya sa mga tagpong iyon.

"Hmmm?" He caressed her daughter's hair and he's looking at her back.

"Let us be na muna, Dad." Ngumiti ito. Aga kinda hesitated at first. But then, he realizes that hindi naman ganun kasama ang anak niya to do such things.

"You sure? Are you guys gonna be okay?" Tumingin naman si Aga kay Lea to ask permission using their eyes.

"Y-yeah." Ngumiti naman si Lea, she felt nervous, anxious and at the same time, natutuwa dahil baka ito na rin ang pagkakataon niyang mag-explain sa anak niya. "I guess. Anak mo na nagsabe, eh." Tumingin 'to dito at nakatingin din sa kanya si Katherine.

Tumango naman si Aga at umalis na, para mabigyan ng pribado ang dalawa.

"I don't know you." Tumingin dito si Katherine na mahinahon naman ang pagkasabi niya. "Kilala kita as a broadway diva, as a singer, as a theatre actor, as a mother to Nicole and a wife to your husband." Sasagot na sana si Lea pero nagsalita pa rin ulit si Katherine. "Pero, I don't know you as my own Mom. Hindi ko alam kung paano mahalin ng isang nanay. All I know is ang pagmamahal ng Daddy ko sa akin. And, that's it."

Tumango naman si Lea, "I understand. You can treat me whatever you want." Gumigilid ang luha nito, "Kung gusto mo, kalimutan mong nalaman mo ito, that's fine. Kasalanan ko why are you so broken right now. So, it's okay. I completely understand. Whatever your decision is." Umiiyak na ito ng tuluyan sa harap niya at nag-aayos ng gamit. "You know where I am, tawagan mo lang ako if you need anything. Explanations, or what-so-ever." Aalis na sana siya doon sa place na iyon pero nagsalita pa rin si Katherine.

"What's the real reason?" Napahinto naman si Lea, "Like what I have told you, I know you in a different way. Ang tapang-tapang mong tuparin ang pangarap mo sa ibang bansa. So, hindi ako naniniwalang you made your own decision. What's the real reason why you left my Dad? Our family? This is your chance to tell the truth. Kilala kitang ayaw mo sa taong nagsisinungaling. So, tell me the whole truth."

Naiyak naman itong humarap muli kay Katherine at napaupo as she remembered what exactly happened before she left. Nakapikit itong nagsasalita, "Your Dad was nothing. Simpleng buhay lang ang meron siya noon, and I am already building the name that I have right now." She was just looking at her while telling her side of the story, "Don't get me wrong, I love your Dad. I was dreaming a simple life na hindi ko naramdaman noon. Kaya no'ng niyaya niya akong makipagtanan, pumayag ako. Kasi mahal na mahal ko siya, we wanted you to happen, we wanted you to be conceived." Naiiyak na siya because this is the saddest part of the story.

"Until her Mom approached me." Tumingin siya dito. "Your grand Ma told me na wala daw future sa akin ang anak niya, if I really loved your Dad, ipapaubaya ko siya kay Charlene. Naka-fix marriage sila for the sake of their business." Pinunasan niya ang luha niya, "Napaisip ako noon. I couldn't give you the life that you have now, if I'm going to quit showbiz, baka hindi mo ma-afford 'yung mga concerts, tours, private Schools that you've been into."

But I realized, "May mas importante pa pala doon." Tumingin siya kay Katherine, "And, it's you. I'm sorry." Naiiyak ito ng sobra at halos humihikbi na ito sa sobrang lungkot. "Alam kong wala akong karapatang masaktan. Pero, I'm sorry. Pinalabas ko talagang I didn't want your Dad kasi alam kong hindi papayag ang Daddy mo na maghiwalay kami knowing na alam niyang mahal ko siya. So, I made excuses. Hindi pa ako handa maging magulang, hindi pa ako handa sa future na pinapangarap niya. Knowing na 'yung buhay na pinapangarap niya ay pinapangarap ko rin." Hinalikan niya ito sa noo.

"Alam kong may sama ka ng loob sa akin, kasi alam mong hindi kita hinanap. Alam kong this is too much for your one heart. Pero, one thing's for sure, never kang nawala sa isip ko, never kang nawala sa utak ko. And now that your life is the life of your dreams, I'll be happy as well. I'm willing to get to know you better. I'm willing to make it up to you. If you allow me. If you need space to process all of these things, then go for it. Just tell me whatever, because I am always willing. I love you even if it's not obvious."