Modern Family • L. Dunphy

The late show

"Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!" Jay grunted annoyingly, sitting on the stairs.

The deal tonight was: The adults were going out for dinner to some famous restaurant. Jay made the reservation weeks ago and he couldn't wait to eat some drunk cow he's been telling us about.

"I've never seen you so excited about a restaurant before" Manny said while playing with Joe on his baby chair.

"Let's be honest, he's only excited for one thing, and one thing only..." I started.

"The drunk cow" Manny and I said on unison.

"It's not just a drunk cow it's and Australian Wagyu beef" Jay corrected us "And I've been waiting six weeks for this reservation"

"And what does the Australian drunk cow have that makes it so special?" I asked. I honestly didn't know why Jay was so obsessed with it.

"They say it's supposed to change your life" He ignored the way I called the dish.

"In the way heart disease changes your life?" Manny asked sarcastically.

"Because you're a pillar of health"

"Nobody is a pillar of health" I defended Manny.

"They only feed this cow alfalfa, barley, and red wine" Jay informed us. "and some chef hand-picks each cut, dry ages it 35 days before cooking it to a perfect medium-rare, all for me"

"So much steps to do, and for what? I bet a simple taco tastes better than that" I said.

And it's true, I mean, after hearing all those weird ingredients names I wouldn't want to eat it.

"But does the wine really make the cow drunk? I thought we were joking when we said that" Manny asked as if he couldn't believe a cow could get drunk.

"Gloria!" Jay yelled, ignoring Manny's previous question. "Let's go!"

"Speaking of going... Gloria told me she was going to have her hair blown out, so... She's not here right now" I said quietly, I knew this was gonna get Jay angry.

"Blown out? That's a thing?"

"Yes." I said.

"That I pay for?" He was freaking out more by the minute.

"Also yes"

"Stay calm, and count to ten...1...2...3..." Jay muttered quietly, but he was talking more to himself than me, so, I took Jay's freak out as my cue to leave.

I went to my room and laid on my bed until Haley came to babysit Joe.

✰ ✰ ✰

"I don't get it. Doesn't the wine get the cow drunk?" Haley asked the golden question.

"Thank you"

"That's what I said"

And we were back to the same conversation, the alcohol, the cow, and the drunk cow. Jay was getting tired of us asking the same question again and again.

"Oh my god. Have neither of you three seen a cow? They are huge"

"I bet tequila would do it quicker" Haley commented.