COCO'S

08

Harry Styles

I'm, surprisingly to say the least, picking up Cloe from her apartment while I whistle a song that was sent to me a couple of weeks ago and I can't seem to begin, but the melody is good. Yet, I can't help but wonder what Harry from a week ago would think if he could see me here right now.

He'll probably understand my intentions and laugh.

I'm really just going to make her awkward because, sadly and way too honestly, I have nothing better to do.

Yesterday, I went for a couple of drinks and ended up ordering something I didn't want because of my Italian, which is, in fact, nonexistent. Then, I made out with some blonde girl and took her to my house. She wasn't a bad fuck, she was great, the thing is that I am the problem. I don't feel attracted to anyone since... well since my last girlfriend.

It's not that my ex was the prettiest girl in the world and I can't find anyone hot anymore, no. What I mean is that she ruined sex for me forever. In a bad way. In the worst way possible.

And not just sex, she also ruined all the confidence I used to have.

"Nobody'll ever want you, Harry."

"No one will ever find you funny, Harry."

"Nobody will ever look up at you, Harry."

Her voice haunts me. Every. Single. Day.

Because of her, I haven't been able to truly enjoy sex and other people, and leave alone actually dating someone. I never feel pleasured by anyone, I just stick to making the other person feel good because my ego gets bigger when that happens, but I just can't enjoy it myself.

That shithead really fucked me up, I swear-

Hey, I'm telling y'all too much. Don't try and make me tell you my traumas.

As I was saying, I can't enjoy myself. Until a certain someone decided to put a feet on my damn life and put it all upside down like it was as easy as counting to three. I only got to taste her once, and I dream about it, about her body below mine or the way she talked to me in a dominant way or even a submissive way, she's the most perfect switch I have ever come to meet and I haven't had sex with her.

So, coming back to Cloe.

I wish I would come with her, though.

Shut up, Harry.

The worst part of my life right now is both that I met her and that I can't fuck her. I wish I would have never met her yet I wish I would fuck her brains out. What I said about her friend being hotter than her was a lie, I mean, I would never compare her bodies to begin with, I just said it because I knew it would piss her off.

But her...is just...Fuck.

She is the first person that has ever made me feel that way in the sex department since I was with my ex girlfriend at the beginning of the relationship. It's scary but very, very satisfying, that means I'm over her already, and right when I can have Cloe, I'll be able to have normal sex again and enjoy it like I used to do, right?

My thoughts tells me different, though. They all yell at me the same thing over and over again "Cloe, Cloe, Cloe, Cloe, Cloe", I'm tired, but even more tired of pretending that I don't want to shut her up with my mouth all the fucking time. I disgust my own self. I hate myself for wanting her so bad.

I want to scream at her but also make her scream.

I want to get mad with her but also make her that mad that she wants to pin me against a wall and make out with me until we're both a panting mess-