COCO'S

25

Harry Styles

Why was she so shocked, even pale, when we got back? That's the question I have been asking myself for over twenty four hours now. He said something to her that made her like that, but I haven't figured out what, and I haven't asked.

Seeing that guy all over Cloe got me sick yesterday, I am still not well. Watching him touch her skin, right where I should be, made me so...Jealous?

But, what really has kept me up at night has been this question that I have been asking myself—was that her reaction to him getting married? Is she hurt? Is she still in love with him? I cannot help but think about it.

It's not easy being the jealous type, for sure.

Maybe I am overreacting, but my feelings are getting in the way. Everytime I am trying to do something, I end up thinking of the same thing. She is completely stuck in my mind and I cannot get her off of it.

So, taking the best out of all this, I write my feelings while I play in the piano, guitar also in my lap as I try new sounds. I know this is always just a start, along with the lyrics, then it is up to the artist to record it the way they want to, or change the production, but I like to make things right for the demos.

"I'm selfish, I know
But I don't ever want to see you with him"

I know they have a past together, and he was so hurtful to her, but I also know she was in love with him.

"I'm selfish, I know
I told you, but I know you never listen"

Honestly, I really do not like the guy. He tried so hard to impress Marian, who probably doesn't even know what happened between them.

"I hope you can see, the shape that I'm in
While he's touching your skin
He's right where I should, where I should be
But you're making me bleed"

The way he touched her, like he owned her just because they were together, just because he has known her for longer than I have.

I try different melodies until I find the one, singing out some "la-la-la-la" to help me with it. I cannot think of a chorus, but I am sure I will figure it out. I always do.

"Tempted, you know
Apologies are never gonna fix this
I'm empty, I know
And promises are broken like a stich is"

God, I do such an incredible work, I am kind of proud of myself for that one.

"I hope you can see, the shape I've been in
While he's touching your skin"

I repeat the third verse, hoping for more inspiration for the last one. I think of what I have been feeling lately, mad, angry at myself, at him, at Cloe even.

"This thing upon me, howls like a beast
You flower, you feast"

I sing out a poem that I have read lately as well, I usually take to my comfort zone these poems. This one is by one of my favorite writers, Charles Bukowski, his books are always hard to find, so I keep mine very safely.

This thing upon me
Like a flower and a feast,
Believe me
Is not death and is not
Glory

I want to believe he was talking about hurting from a lover so much, that you know you are not dying, but the idea of it doesn't even scares you anymore.

As I am lost in my own thoughts, three knocks on my front door make me jump. Please don't be Cloe.

It is Cloe. I don't know anyone else that knocks three times.