COCO'S

16

Harry Styles

Dry-humping.

She got me cumming and begging for breath just with dry-humping, just her rubbing herself on my dick. I haven't done that since high school.

But to say the truth, it was amazing, mind-fogging.

The only thing I would have changed is her not running off of my apartment. But I knew, I know, that she needed some time to process it. I mean, I have been knowing this entire time that I was physically attracted to her, just like we were that first night we met each other. But her, on the other hand...she has been holding it back almost the entire time.

So when she finally gave up to me, at least a little bit, she wasn't ready to face the fact that she physically wants me. But if it is time what she needs, I will give it to her.

What I wasn't expecting was an entire week without hearing from her.

I know she is probably upset with herself, but being so avoidant with this topic is not a great idea either. Still, I am not going to be the one to tell her a different thing.

So, right now, my job is organizing my notebooks, my music sheets and the CD's I have recorded with one or two songs over the years. I have around five boxes here, all filled to the top with my stuff.

One thing about me is that I need to have these things at hand. It doesn't matter if I am living in LA, London, here, or wherever. I need to keep them with me just in case.

For me, these boxes keep my entire life on them. It is like my brain, my heart, and my soul, are all shredded in pieces inside those boxes. If someone ever gets this away from me, I would literally die. I wouldn't be able to live knowing that somebody other than me can see and read my things.

Anyway, before I get too intense.

For now, I have achieved to separate the things I have already sold in three boxes. My demos, the piano sheets, the CD's of the melodies, etc. And in the other two, there are all the new stuff or the stuff I didn't get to sell, or even the stuff I did not want to sell.

The thing is, I don't know what to do with all of my notebooks since they aren't inside any box because they are all mixed up, I have things I have sold and things I have not, all written together.

I should have all of this on my laptop, or even in my phone, but I started this way and have an emotional attachment with things I can touch. I feel like if I ever begin to write and keep this on my phone, it will all get more impersonal, and I don't want that.

Good thing that every single song I have finished, they are all written in their respective sheet, so, the things I have on the notebooks are bullshit, most of it at least. But like I said, I have emotional attachment.

I decide to put all of the notebooks together in a smaller box, then, I tape it, along with the box of things I have already sold, which are both marked with a permanent pen I found earlier. When I'm finished, I put them in the wardrobe that I have in the guest's bedroom with no bed, and which I am actually using as my studio.

I sit down again to tape the rest of the boxes of things I haven't sold but, feeling a bit of nostalgia, I take all of the stuff out.

Dated in 2014: Two Ghosts

"Same lips red, same eyes blue
same white shirt, couple more tattoos"

I read it out loud and feel like the voice of a ghost singing those haunted words. I wrote that song for Nora.

"We're not who we used to be,
we're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me,
trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat"