Worth The Shot

What It's Like to Be Camilo Madrigal

Today's art is by @Imkilluaswifee ! There's something so compelling and sweet about this drawing. It just captured the moment so perfectly. They look like teenagers in love. Carefree, dancing in the rain. This is one of my favorites :)

BACK TO THE STORY

"I'm a terrible person," you muttered, delicately tugging the cover open with your thumb and pointer finger. 

A nervous, fluttery anticipation beat its hummingbird wings in your chest. You guiltily glanced over your bare shoulder, exposed by the sleeveless nightgown. Did he write about me? What's going on inside his head?

Someone had printed a neat, stiff-lettered dedication on the back of the cover. Careful, dark-blue ink inscribed on faded yellow-white.

For my favorite nephew. Camilo, I think writing everything down will help you. My mama puts too much pressure on you kids already. It's gonna get hard, but I've seen visions of you with this book. When you feel things you don't want to, maybe it will help to express it on paper? More than your cousins, you're going to need it. Good luck, kid. I'm rooting for you.

Lines of jagged scrawl crowded the next page. Camilo. You smiled, recognizing his bad handwriting from the rock-attached notes. Playful, rebellious messages, tossed through your window a lifetime ago. Forbidden rock penpals. That's what he called us.

June 15

Hello! I'm not really sure how to start this book. Tio Bruno gave it to me, just before he left. I think I was five. I didn't have much to write about back then. I mean, when you're a cute little kid everyone likes you for you. I just turned 12, and I don't know why, but I've been getting the feeling that people don't really like me. The real me. I can't seem to make anybody smile without my gift. Except Mirabel, but we've always been close. Maybe I'm overthinking this. But it doesn't hurt to write this where no one's ever gonna see it, right?

November 26

It's getting worse. Today Julieta needed help reaching a fancy glass dish from a high cabinet. Well, I've been trying to be more... me lately. It was stupid, but I was determined to help without shifting. So I stepped on the counter to get it as just me, just Camilo, and surprise, the expensive thing shattered into a million pieces on the ground. Everyone was mad at me. Especially Abuela. I went to the nursery before bed to talk about it with Mirabel, but she got all huffy that I was complaining. I know she's right. I really am just being ungrateful. Mirabel didn't even get a gift, and I feel awful about it. I haven't told anyone this, but I know it was my fault. Think about it: every Madrigal has gotten a gift. Without fail. And our ceremonies were so close together, less than a year apart. The candle must need to recharge. I stole all of the miracle for that year, so she got nothing.

December 2

Things have been weird between me and Mirabel. I don't get it. We used to be best friends. We made blanket forts in the nursery and everything. For the past 7 years since I moved out, I hang out in the nursery before bed. Sitting on the bed and talking with her and stuff. Whenever gifts come up, she lashes out at me. I know better than to complain about mine again, but she's so touchy.

December 29

I messed up really bad. I'm usually good with my words, but I said something I didn't mean and it came out all wrong. Let me explain. It was about my little brother, Antonio. He's two, about to turn three next week. Mirabel and I were talking about his birthday. I was really surprised when she asked what I think his gift will be, because she hates talking about gifts! I thought she was warming up, so I tried to be all enthusiastic. I was coming up with lots of cool ideas, like invisibility or water powers. She asked, "What if he doesn't get a gift, like me? What if the miracle's over?" But I knew he would. Because I wasn't there to suck the miracle's gift away from him. I responded really quick, "He'll get a gift. He has a better chance than you." And she lost it. She was yelling awful things at me, accusing me of thinking my family was better than hers. That's not what I meant. At all! I wish I could go back and explain, but she'd probably just throw her shoe at me again.