It's not that simple

Chapter Twelve

--Twilight's POV--
I looked at Rainbow. How was I going to explain?
There was so much, yet so little. My problems were so big, yet so small and my life was so sad, but yet so happy.
I had everything I needed. A place to live in, friends, a girlfriend who loved me, food and even an assistant, but yet there was something missing.
And I suddenly felt like I couldn't trust Rainbow.
I felt like she wouldn't understand, like she'd laugh at me or call my problems ridiculous. I remembered the time I was so worried about my letter to Celestia, and when I told my friends they just laughed. It was probably going to be like that all over again.
I couldn't talk to her about it.
I just couldn't.
But I wanted to, so badly. I wanted to just sit down and tell someone about everything. About all the small things that felt so big, about the actual big problems and about how everyone just expected me to smile because I was a princess and I had a pretty castle.
I HATED THAT FREAKING CASTLE.
It was big, empty and cold. The memory chandler thingy didn't help. It was pretty, but it so didn't help. The castle was still empty.
And crystal.
Obviously that wasn't the reason for my depression though. It had been like this long before the castle even existed, long before the rainbow power box even existed,
"I'm sorry" I said.
"I don't think I can tell you."
Rainbow looked at me and I could see the fear and concern in her eyes.
"You can trust me!" She said, but she seemed nervous.
"Rainbow, I can't talk about it right now. Leave me alone, I'm fine."
"No" Rainbow said. "You're not fine, and I'm not going to leave until I know why. You have to let me help you."
I looked at her.
"You can't. There's nothing you can do, I don't want to talk about it."
"Then at least see a therapist! You have to talk to someone!"
I didn't want to talk. I wanted to cry, eat and cuddle. I wanted it to end.
"Actually, there is one thing you can do for me" I said to Rainbow.
"What?" She said, clearly relieved that I was letting her help.
"Give me a hug."
"What?"
"Just hug me. I really need a hug."
And she hugged me. She hugged me like she never wanted to let go, like her life depended on this one hug. And I hugged her back, and I cried softly into her mane.
I rested in her arms, safe from the world around me, safe from all the sadness and depression, safe from myself.
I cried and I cried and I cried. I cried out all the tears I had been hiding behind my fake smile, all the tears I had been forcing myself to not let out, all the pain I had been keeping inside of me for so long.
I cried until I had no tears, and when I couldn't cry anymore, I just lied there in her arms until I fell asleep.
When I woke up the next morning, she was still holding me.