The Serenader

Chapter 11

Atlas' POV
I didn't sleep much. When I finally did manage to close my eyes, I woke around early afternoon, only a few hours later. I was used to not getting enough rest - sea storms can be very distracting - but I was surprised when I saw Cal sitting up and staring out the window.

"You're awake."

She nodded. "Couldn't sleep. I'm not used to anywhere that isn't home."

"You get used to it." It was true. I hadn't slept a wink the first few days I was away. Growing up, my siblings and I never had much incentive to leave the castle at all, let alone for an entire evening. The first nights I spent on that cold ship, listening to the wind howling on that stiff wooden cot, I wanted nothing more than to be home. Living at the castle for so long had made me almost spoiled, but gradually I'd gotten used to living on the seas. Now I would choose to go back without any hesitation. Spending just three years on a Naval vessel had shown me that there were lives to be lived outside of Ionia.

"We should get moving," I suggested. "The sooner we get there, the sooner we..." I trailed off, not sure how to end that sentence. Plus, I noticed Cal had a napkin of rolls next to her, and that immediately caught my attention.

"Where did you get that bread?" I asked.

"The kitchen," she answered. "Figured we might need food."

Cal tossed one to me. I caught it and bit into it gratefully, not even bothering to wonder when she had snagged them. I was just happy we wouldn't have to go days without food.

"Thanks."

Cal nodded. She looked exhausted. I knew she really could have used some sleep, but we couldn't afford the time. Hopefully she would rest better the next time we stopped.

"Are you alright?" I asked her, finishing the roll and rustling through my bag to find the map and compass. I looked up at her. "I know all of this has been hard on you."

She made an effort to wipe the sleep, or lack thereof, from her eyes. "I'm okay." She sighed. I found what I was looking for and pulled the map and compass out of my bag. "It's just... all night I've laid awake, wondering why - why I did what I did. Why I can do what I did. Why Juliette did what she did. None of it makes sense."

"Things haven't been normal," I assured her. "I've made some choices I wish I could redo myself."

She ignored my comment at first, which was a good thing because I wasn't quite sure what I meant. It was just an effort to reassure her, to counsel my little sister during all of this madness.

"You don't understand," she countered with such intensity I felt a little nervous. "I told Blythe the biggest secret of my life, barely a few days ago. And now..."

"Everything's changing," I finished. We started down the path, leaving the little hut behind. From there, we walked in silence.

Eventually we stumbled upon a small lake, likely one that split off from the Canal. At my insistence, we took a short rest, and I used the opportunity to refill our canteen - it was nearly half empty after just one night. Thank God, I also noticed a patch of ripe raspberries lining the side of the lake. Cal and I stripped it bare. Those were the best berries I've eaten in my life; a small piece of bread for breakfast didn't quite cut it. Neither of us had even noticed our hunger until we had food readily available. It's scary, the things stress can do.

I thought more about what Cal had been implying earlier. When I tried to think of something that would comfort her, I couldn't come up with much.

"We all have secrets, Cal," I offered. My comment probably seemed very out of the blue, but it had been on my mind and, I assumed, on hers.

Cal twirled an unusually tall blade of grass around her finger. "Even you?"

"Even me."

She raised her eyebrow, giving me a spontaneous start of a smile, a welcome change from how stressed we'd all been. It was half-hearted, but that was better than nothing.

"It's true," I continued. "I have secrets. You, me, Blythe - damnit, I wouldn't be surprised if there's something the twins are keeping from us. It's okay."

She gently pulled the piece of grass out of the ground, suddenly becoming very engrossed in it.

"But what about Unity?" She mumbled.

Her question surprised me. "What about it?"

"How can we keep our country together if all of us are lying to one another?"

"How can we have Unity if we all confess?" I pointed out. "What do you think would happen? Look at Lydia, look at what their ruler as good as showed the world yesterday - we're not even a full country anymore. Maybe having secrets is a good thing, if only to keep the peace."

I felt like I was treading water, like at any moment I might say something wrong and plunge down under the lake we sat on the edge of. But now I was curious, and I might not ever get a better chance.

"In the cave..." I started, unsure of where to begin. The setting sun sent bright colors reflecting through the grove, bouncing off the lake in a way that gave the place so much light. It reminded me of our stained-glass window. I would have enjoyed it if not for the circumstances. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, and yet everything was so wrong.

"I think I know what you can do," I finished.

I expected her to have a bigger reaction, but she simply said, "I'm not surprised. You've seen it twice."

"You... influenced my emotions," I guessed, voicing my thoughts aloud. "It's one thing to feel, but to be able to take hold of it and change it..." I trailed off. It wasn't my place to analyze what she could do, especially when I didn't have anything of the sort myself. I remembered what Blythe had said, what Cal had protested after she ran off into the tunnel - It wasn't me. The fear... it wasn't me. At the time, I'd wondered how it could have been her. Now I understood that's what her secret was; that's what she was capable of.

"When I felt what Juliette had done to you and Blythe and everybody in the room," she said, "I felt so many things - worry, confusion, anticipation - but on top of that I felt relieved." She paused. "I know how that sounds, but to know of someone else like me - to know it was even possible; it didn't matter to me who she was. I felt this huge weight off my shoulders."

"I think I know how you feel," I told her. My mind went to a fictional world where Illusion didn't signal status, where people weren't judged according to if they'd inherited the gift or not. My heart pounded as I prepared to say something I'd never, ever told anyone else. "If I didn't have to be the first heir without Illusion, things would be so much easier. Sometimes - okay, most times - I just wish I could just be an officer for the rest of my life. And then I remember I don't have a choice."

It felt surprisingly good to admit that out loud. And Cal was a good listener. I was sure she could empathize in one way or another.

"It's like the ripple effect." Cal skipped a flat rock over the surface of the lake a good six times before it sank with a splash. Realizing what she meant, I watched as each set of ripples got bigger and bigger until the surface of the lake was entirely clouded.

"Every change in the way Illusion works is going to merge someday," I said. "You, me, Juliette, Echo, Lyle - all that's going to clash and then there's no going back. I'd like to say it's all happening for a reason, but I just don't know."

"Nobody does," Cal pointed out. "And we'll never know if we don't get to the safe haven." She stood up and brushed the dirt off her blouse. "We need to get home eventually. Something must be going on right now, yet we have no idea what that is. How much further?"

I took another glance at the old, possibly inaccurate map. "We're about a third of the way." Afterwards, I double checked our path with the compass, and once I'd confirmed it was right, we started off, leaving the little lake and its ripples behind.