I feel like today is the day
I'll finally do it
I belive I'll gather enough courage after my dad said that if I indeed kill myself he wouldn't care and that I should do it ,it would be less on his wage
That's such a cheering thing to hear of you dad
It encourages you
I feel like I have nothing holding me back
Because as my father said I have no problem
And that's my problem , that I don't have any
Maybe if I did have problems I wouldn't be like that
I spent the whole week in my bed ,for the despicable things I've done on last Friday
I feel dirty ,and on rock bottom
Like I condnt go lower
I'm crying like a baby
And the only thing that have change on me is that I finally see why to continue, I have reasons to stay
I would like to
But I've leran that no matter how much you think you like them or how attached you are
You must know what's best for you ,and when to set them free,even if it mean leaving everyone for good
That's love after all isn't?
Giving up
I love how my life was going
Until Friday, when everything stop being good
I am so sorry
So sorry
I know it might look like I've done this because we broke up ,but honestly I'm not sad about that
I know we weren't supposed to be
I was happy by your side
I like while it last
You made me happy
You made something nobody man6to do before
You made me feel safe like I didn't have to worry because you where there for me and that was enough
Thank you for everything
I think if we did last longer I would be able to say that I loved you
But unfortunately I don't
You know when your depressed, mostly on you subconscious, you brain decides if you'll feel the sadness, or the anger ,although most people say anger is too much sadness kept inside .
Most of the people feel the sadness,
She's the most harmless, she's quiet and discreet, the downside is she lasts longer then any other feeling.
Not the anger
She's quick, destructive ,loud and ugly ,she doesn't last ,but her consequences are the worst .
How do I know?
Let's just say I've grown tired of the sadness .
I felt happy for a time
Now ...
I think I'm going to wait for my parents to go to sleep and drink bleach
Maybe if I "pray hard enough god will do me the favor of taking me away "
I don't really want to die
But it is the best option for me
What do I have for me here?
I don't want a life
I don't want to study
I don't want a husband
I don't want kids
Or to travel
To grow old
Nothing
So what is that I'm doing here
I have no purpose
And the thing is I don't want one either
I don't want any thing
I want pure nothing
I don't feel bad in doing this anymore
My parents won't care
My family won't remember in a few months
My friends don't need me
And him,
Well he will be just fine ,I was the only one with feelings anyway
But If do make it
And someone find this
Tell him I'm sorry,for everything.
I don't belive I'll do it
After all I'm to weak
I can't handle anything
Please look at all this ,
I'm pathetic.
I'm sorry L,I love you
And I'm sorry K
It was all my fault...
