DEFIANT • kylo ren (18+)

04 - I'd say that's accurate.

A week.

You think it's been a week now. It's hard to tell when the only light you have is the buzzing overhead bulbs, and the only indicator of change is the stormtroopers outside of the cell.

It's been a week since you kneeled for the Commander of the First Order.

A week since you betrayed your friends in the resistance. What Finn, Poe and Rey would think of you if they knew... you're filled with nausea at the thought. What LJ would think of you.

You spent months training, fighting, planning against this man. Determined to fight against his murderous empire.... all for you to fall to your knees for him after only two days in his prison.

You spent the week disgusted with yourself, convinced you would never allow him near you again, and fearfully trying to neglect the fact that deep down you wondered why he hadn't come to see you all this time. You tell yourself it's because you're worried for the next interrogation, nothing more.

Throughout the week you're finally given food, only it arrived while you were asleep. You suppose to avoid any more escape attempts. Every night like clockwork, the previous tray is collected and a new one placed. You tried staying up later to catch them, but they just waited until sleep caught up with you and you could no longer fight it. The slop and bread they supply is little, barely enough to curb your hunger, but at least you don't wake with stabbing pains in your stomach anymore.

You meditated every day, attempting to learn the ships hallways, teaching yourself the locations and rotations of the stormtroopers shifts with the Force guiding you. They leave no gaps, no weakness you could exploit... be it you actually get out of this cell.

On the third day you thought you saw the vent shift slightly, as the only moveable thing in the cell you had focused your energy toward it and attempted to move it with the Force. You hoped it'd actually moved, but with how tired and desperate you were there's every chance it didn't.

Sometimes in your sleep, the nightmares gave you flashes of the battle that led to all this. You saw the base, people you lived with for those past few months, fighting against blasters from impending stormtroopers. You saw the ceilings falling in on themselves, bodies crushed, people crying. You saw pain.

The worst thing about the cell is that you haven't showered. You can deal with the hard prison bed, the sense that you're always being watched, the invasion of privacy, the dull grey surroundings... but not being able to shower leaves your skin feeling itchy and tight with dirt. Showers have always felt so safe for you, the warmth is incomparable. When you're sad, you shower. Feeling lost, you bathe, meditating engulfed in hot water. There's nowhere here where you can pretend you're not trapped. Every minute of your existence reminds you of your capture, the grime on your skin from sleeping in a cell keeping you on edge at all times.

You've spent hours mulling over the interrogating thats yet to come. You've managed to keep Ren from probing your mind so far, but you don't feel that he's used the full extent of his ability yet either. If you become the reason for the Resistance's turmoil, you'll hate yourself forever.

The boredom was bad too. It's only been a week and you've resorted to handstands against the wall and attempting to use the Force to float. Unsuccessfully, of course. There's nothing to do. You hum and sing songs from your old planet occasionally.

The one thing you have to thank for this week is the healing of your wounds. Your ankles and wrists hold thin pink lines instead of the cuts from before, your scrapes are gone, your lip mostly healed. The previous bruises aren't much gone though, fading bruises on your hip from the Commanders fingers, the ones on your knees reminding you of your mistake. A few new ones here and there from falls during meditation and yoga. Your fists are the most bruised; you spend lots of time banging against the door hoping to annoy your way out.