Andy:
I walked out of the bus in a hurry, not letting the rest of the guys see me crying. I'm sure they'd go and find a diner to eat at after they give up on finding me.
I ran to the closest park and found a bench. After I seated myself, I started to panic. Ashley, my band mate, told me he loves me. He's in love with me.
It's impossible. Ash has always been crazy for women, and not once have I seen him look at a guy with lust. Technically, he could be bi or gender blind. But of all people, why did he fall for me?
I shivered as I thought about all the times he's seen me undress. Its not gross, I just would've appreciated it I'd he told me that he's into me. But why me?
My thoughts drift to Juliet. She's... A different story. She's cheated on me but I have always been one to forgive. Honestly, I regret that decision because I was hardly into her anymore. I can barely trust her.
And Ashley...
I dont know what to think. He's a guy. I'm a guy. I don't think it would work. Oh God, I wonder what he's doing right now. Is he still on the bus? Oh God, I left him with razors.
I rub my temples with my thunb and forefinger in frustration. Clenching my jaw, I look up to see a girl standing in front of me.
"Sandra?"
"Hey Andy, long time no see." Sandra says while adjusting her sunglasses. I stand up and hug her before stepping back and sighing. "What's up?"
"Ashley..." I start. How do I tell her? She knows what its like to be in love with someone of the same sex so maybe she can help sort my feelings for Ashley.
"He finally told you, huh?" Sandra says as we sit down at the bench. I stutter out incoherent words in confusion and she chuckles. "Yeah, he did."
"You knew about his feelings for me?" I ask and Sandra nods. "Sandra! Why didn't you tell me?"
"He said be wanted to do it himself. How'd he break it to you?"
I go silent. My mind flashed back to the scene in the bathroom. The bloody tuffs of toilet paper stuck behind makeup products and paint. The way his tears highlighted the bags under his brown eyes. His bleeding wrists. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.
"I-I kinda walked in on him," I manage to say after a few minutes of silence. My eyes begin to water after Sandra raises an eyebrow. "He was cutting himself."
Sandra's jaw dropped. Even if her black sunglasses covered her eyes, I could tell she was on the verge of tears. Suddenly, her mouth closed and she enclosed her arms around me. I didn't hug back, I just cried into her shoulder. I could tell she was holding back tears. It was hard not to cry when you found out your former band mate self harms.
"What did you say?" She decided to ask.
"I just ran out. I left him with razors. Sandra, let's go." I stood up and cleaned off my face and grabbed Sandra by the wrist. "Wait, where's Lawren?"
"Home," she answers and I start to lead her in the direction of the bus.
We started sprinting, pushing past people and shouting apologies. Sandra lost her sunglasses but she didn't seem to care. Ashley was more important.
I stopped abruptly outside the bus. Sandra looked at me with a crazed expression. "What are you doing? Go inside!"
"Shush," I whispered. I slowly unlocked the door, as quietly as possible. Sandra followed as I stepped inside. It was eerily quiet, not counting the noises outside.
"Ashely?" I called. I got silence.
Did I love Ashley? Yeah. I've known him for years. But did I love him romantically? That was the question. Sure, I loved the way he smiled, and laughed and talked. I would do anything to make sure he's okay, just as I am right now. I'd sacrifice everything for him. Did I love him?
A muffled sob stopped me from answering myself.
"Ash?"
I think I did love him.
I turn to Sandra and she seems confused. She shrugged and shooed me to the bunk area. I slowly pull Ashley's curtain back and revel the person in question, lying in a heap of black clothes with his face pressed into the pillow.
"Ashley, please." I rest a hand on his back and almost start crying when I see the bloody bandages wrapped messily around his wrists. "Ash?"
"What the hell do you want?" He hissed, turning his head slightly to face the wall.
"Ash, please. We should talk." I rub circles into his back and sigh.
"Why? I already know you're kicking me out of the band anyway."
"What?" I froze, my hand tensing up on his mid-back. Ash sat up and rubbed at his eyes, smudging the paint on his face.
"Well, who wants a depressed, hopelessly-in-love-with-the-lead-singer bassist in their band?" Ashley asked. He finally faced me and starting combing his hair with his fingers.
"I do."
