Hood $henanigans

15

"Sometimes it's soft as a misty rain. That gently touches my soul. It cools the fire that burns in me. And I simply lose control."

Onika Pov
Maraj Household

I MISS BEYONCÉ! I feel like i'm about to go crazy. I've cried so many times because I feel like this is all my fault. Maybe i'm just not good enough for her. I am pretty young and have so much to go through before I can actually be ready for a stable relationship. She's older and is probably looking for someone ready for the things she's prepared for. Ginger's her age, so maybe they're better off together.

Today is the day our parents come home, and it's 3am. I can hardly sleep because i'm so used to Bey being by my side. Or around me in some type of way. I miss her wrapping my body around hers, or softly pecking my head or lips to help me sleep. She's been doing that every since that night.

Bey was so patient with me. If there was something I needed, she'd be there. When I was in pain, she was there to relieve it. Whether it was getting my medicine, or giving me a massage. She was understanding when it came to a lot of things.

A lot of the things she did for me, i'm sure no one else would. There's been plenty of times when I thought she would leave me because of what I did. That's why i'm working on myself. My mind was still stuck in my little girl days. The girl that wanted to do everything, but couldn't because of her protection.

I feel like if I mature, i'll see a lot of wrongs in the things I choose to do, before I even do it.

Beyoncé usually helped me with realizing the what if's in my choices.

It's crazy how, even though she did me the way she did, I still want to be around her. In the little time we've been cordial, we've been through a lot. Well i've been through a lot and she was there with me.

If it was anyone else, i'm sure they would've given up on me after that night happened. I was so needy and clingy.

Every time I think about it, I just want to roll up in a ball and let life pass through. There's times when I don't want to be around anyone because I feel so.... I don't know. I don't feel like myself at all.

The biggest thing I miss is our conversations. She helped me get over the emotional damage. When she'd talk to me and help me express myself, it felt like my heart opened to her even more.

She's been on my mind for so long. I wonder if i'm on hers. Probably not because she has Ginger.

Ginger is a very beautiful girl, so she's never looked over. You just can't miss her. So, i'm not surprised Bey did what she did when I wasn't available.

Maybe i'm moving too slow for her. She's probably looking for someone who can have sex and experiment in different things, while i'm still affected by something that happens weeks ago.

Maybe if I call her, we could talk things out? Or we can just sit on the phone? I just need my mind to believe that she's here. It's like i'm back to square one. The lonely Onika.

____
My body was being shook, making me pop my eyes open. I saw Bryan snickering above me. I'm finna kill him. I punched his arm and he hissed holding the spot.

"Momma nem back. They all downstairs, even Bey and Ginger." he said before walking out.

Dina wasn't in bed anymore, but Solange laid there on her phone. She looked like she'd just woken up. "You good being around them? Or do I need to beat some ass?" Solo asked sitting up.

I chuckled at her question and shook my head no. Drama doesn't need to be made over this. It's not that important. If I was to act any type of way, it would make everyone else act a different way as well. I'm sure there's enough tension with the brothers.