Hood $henanigans

28

Onika Pov
Continued

Pissed isn't even the word. I've learned to just walk away from situations that get me out of character. I know I was wrong for throwing that drink on him, but I think it was a reflex. Honestly, I didn't know I did it.. until I was being held back. For some reason I want to apologize, but then I don't have a reason to. He started it and said some disrespectful things. Disrespectful because he doesn't know how that shit feels, and he doesn't even know what i've been through. So for him to say that I shouldn't be mad and need to get my shit together is really eating at me.

I'm really thankful for Beyoncé because as soon as I got into my truck, I broke down. Not because I was sad or anything, but because I did so much to get myself together and control my emotions. He just brought the worst out of me. Who knows what I would've been doing if she wasn't there for me when I cried.

I kind of felt bad for not talking to her for three months. But at the same time, it was for the best. I needed to get myself together and grow up a bit. I'm about to be 18 and didn't want to go into adulthood being childish. I'm a senior now and have so many more responsibilities.

In three months, more has changed than I expected. I thought it would take longer, but i'm happy with the progress i've made. Some stuff there's no changing about me though.

Physically i've grown a bit thicker. I don't really like it, but it's easy the get rid of it. That's why I go to the gym everyday. My hair has grown a lot longer, even though it already was. Like to the point to where I don't wear it because I don't know how to do it. I look 'growner' is what Daddy says. He's not lying, but I don't like to hear that from him because i'll always be his babygirl. Always.

Momma thinks that i'm having sex, and is always making jokes about it. Little does she know, I still haven't had actual consensual sex. I think she knows that, but wants me to come to her when I do. Which I will because that's how I am. I tell Momma everything whether she wants me to or not. Well not everything because she doesn't know about Meek. Even though we never did anything but talk and smoke together.

Ginger and Dina have been getting on me for being distant from them. It's not purposely, it's just that i'm the only one at school and i've obviously met new people. They're grown and doing whatever it is that 20 year olds do. Things have been fun now that i'm doing stuff. I don't have to worry about being trapped in the house. Mainly because my brothers are gone and my parents always busy. But, when they're home, i'm home because I won't be able to leave when they're present in the house.

The first event of my birthday week has been shit. I first got in trouble because the school wants to call my Momma, then had to argue with my wanna be boyfriend, lastly my brother wanted to be an asshole. Hopefully these other days be better. If not, fuck it. I'm tired of trying so much, especially if I gain nothing from it.

There's just so much I could be doing, rather than sitting in misery. I'm about to be grown, and i'm gonna start acting like it. I want to move out, but my parents think I should wait awhile like my brothers did. They just aren't ready for me to leave. That's all.

Beyoncé thought it would be better for me to go to her house. She's said she's been packing to move soon and wants me to help. Whatever that means, because no.

We didn't even attempt to pack anything, I went to sleep. I had a huge headache from crying and was so close to having an attitude. It would be so wrong to do her like that and we just started back talking. I would be so done with myself.

I'm sure it's 3am, and she wants to be a baby and lay all on me. I'm about to pushing her off if she grips one of my boobs again. I'm sure she knows how it feels and i'll gladly squeeze hers back.