Ｅｕｐｈｏｒｉａ ｘ ｍａｌｅ ｒｅａｄｅｒ
(Ashtray x male oc)
❝ Why? ❞ I asked, genuinely curious. I hadn't exactly been keeping in touch, and the weight of that truth hung between us like thick smoke. ❝ Because I missed your ass. You don't call me, ❞ he replied.
━━...
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CHAPTER ONE | Karma
𝙆𝙖𝙧𝙢𝙖 is a bitch, a saying which was one of the many things Ren always says because he thinks his life has always been shit since he was taken in by the Bennett family. But deep down, he knows it's not entirely true. There were moments of happiness, moments of love, but they were always overshadowed by the constant reminder that he was not their biological son. That he was just a burden they took on to appear charitable. 𝙆𝙖𝙧𝙢𝙖 is what led Ren into the situation. A situation that he never imagined himself in. A situation that made him question his own identity.
A situation that made him wonder if he was capable of doing something so terrible. A situation he thought about every night. A situation that brought about many tears. A situation he never wants to remember. But no matter how hard he tries, the memory of that night always haunts him. The sound of his mother's screams, the smell of blood, the feeling of the knife in his hand.
A situation that led to his mother's death. She didn't deserve it, he said, but that voice in the back of his head said otherwise. "Oh, what the fuck." The voice said, "That woman was a piece of shit, your mother sold you for drugs because you're beautiful." Ren's stomach turns at the thought. He never believed that voice, but sometimes he can't help but wonder if it's true. I mean, what can he say?
When he walks down the street, he gets compliments from people and lingering stares from men. That sort of creeps him out because some of them are clearly a lot older, but that isn't here nor there. He never paid them any mind. Let's get back to the point. When he had killed that man with no hesitation, it felt so natural to him. At that moment, he felt powerful, in control, and free. But as the adrenaline wore off, the guilt and regret set in. He never wanted to hurt anyone, but he did. He took a life, and he can never take that back. Her cold dead body lay lifelessly in the hallway.
The stare his mother gave him, sent a cold shiver down his spine. To this day, he swore he could still feel her stare sometimes in the night. Maybe that's a way of telling him she's always watching him. But instead of feeling comforted, he feels a deep sense of shame and disappointment in himself. How could he have let his anger and pain consume him to the point of taking a life? Ren's inner conflict grows with each passing day. He struggles to come to terms with his actions, with his past, and with himself.
He wonders if he will ever be able to forgive himself, and if anyone will ever be able to forgive him. He is torn between wanting to be a good person and feeling like he is undeserving of any happiness. And as he looks at the scars on his arms, he knows that the only person he truly needs to forgive is himself.
