Ｅｕｐｈｏｒｉａ ｘ ｍａｌｅ ｒｅａｄｅｒ
(Ashtray x male oc)
❝ Why? ❞ I asked, genuinely curious. I hadn't exactly been keeping in touch, and the weight of that truth hung between us like thick smoke. ❝ Because I missed your ass. You don't call me, ❞ he replied.
━━...
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CHAPTER TWO | I wish I hated you
I wish I hated her. I wish I hated Rue. I wish I hated her for relapsing. I wish I hated her for turning to drugs to ease her pain. I wish I hated my mother for doing the same thing. Yet, in the quiet moments, when the noise of the world fades, I find it hard to muster that hatred. Instead, I find myself swimming in a pool of empathy and sorrow, entangled in emotions I can scarcely understand.
I find myself thinking about her sometimes, my mother. She's like a ghost haunting the corridors of my mind, both familiar and elusive. The memories blur and shift, like trying to hold water in my hands. Her smile, her laugh—they flicker like old film projections, only to disappear before I can fully grasp them. I hoped the afterlife didn't bring her any new pain, that she found some semblance of peace there, away from the torment that plagued her here.
I tried to rearrange my memories like how I dreamed of rewriting the stars. Every memory was a constellation, each star a fragment of my past. Some nights I would piece them together in new patterns, seeking stories in the starlight that gave me comfort instead of pain. I'd replace sorrow with joy, wipe away the tears, and paint over the darkness with light. But the constellations would always revert, the stars stubbornly realigning in ways that told the true story, the one marked by heartbreak and struggle.
Hatred would be simpler, cleaner. But perhaps, deep down, it's love that complicates things, tethers us to people through memories and emotions, regardless of how much they've hurt us. And maybe, in that complexity, there is a form of forgiveness, or at least understanding. It's not perfect, but it's human.
But no matter how I tried to and no matter how I want to and no matter how easy things could be if I did and no matter how guilty I still feel saying it...I wished I hated myself.
▁ ▂ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ 【Ｅｕｐｈｏｒｉａ】 █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▂ ▁
Being a freshman wasn't easy, but for me, it was fun. Right now, I'm heading to a party I wasn't technically invited to but I still went because I wanted to see what the seniors were really up to. Don't ask how I got there— ehhh I'll tell you anyway. I hitched a ride with my senior friends. As soon as I stepped inside, the sharp smell of liquor and weed hit my nose like a punch. What on earth are these people doing? Who cares...I could definitely use a blunt, not gonna lie.
As I wandered through the house, I noticed how big it was and how many people had crowded into it. A buzz of energy filled the rooms, where groups of people huddled together with drinks in hand and laughter echoing through the halls. From the corner of my eye, I spotted Rue.
