Shot On iPhone

Chapter 36

I shifted my weight from one leg to another as he looked up into my eyes.

"What do you mean by that?" He asked and I had this rage pent up in me to just lash out at him.

But I had to calm myself, I could feel warmth covering my entire face which now I assume would be in the darker shades of red.

"You lied," I simply responded, looking away. My nostrils were flaring in anger. Honestly, I had never been this angry with anyone.

"I apologised. I had no oth-"

"Jin shi, I think you are forgetting that I am an idol too. I know the rules. It's okay, I understand the situation in the start when I was dubious of your stance but you got a couple of thousand chances to reveal yourself. But you decided to play instead," I said. My vision was blurry due to the tears accumulated at the waterline.

I wanted to be angry, really angry. To show him how he made me feel but like a fool I am, it just ended up making me more pathetic. Crying in front of him!

"No. What are you saying? I never played on you-"

"Hah?" I scoffed, "really tell me, was there a smile on your face when I called you crying, taking you as my friend. Or was it guilt and pain that smeared your handsome mouth? Were you satisfied knowing that you gained the trust of someone by faking yourself? Did it stroke your ego to know you had that much power over someone? Or did it just sicken you to the core... I guess there is no way to know because, in the end, I didn't knew you at all!"

"Y-You are taking me all wrong," he mumbled, his hands making weird motions as if not knowing what to do.

"I never really thought of it. I was genuine with you all the time-"

"Genuine? That's the scary part, I would never know how much genuine you were with me. All those sweet texts, consoling, motivation... That euphoria! Maybe it all meant nothing."

"I cannot understand where you are taking this!" He exclaimed a bit loudly, his eyes in utter disbelief.

I sniffled and looked down, my voice was itself subdued at his pitch, "Did I really mean something to you or I was just a random girl? A way to soothe your ego, or a passing hobby? Never a necessity and just a mere whim."

What am I doing? I am not his girlfriend! Not anything! Why am I speaking this and making myself dumber?

"I'm always here for you. I want to help you. You are important to me. Very much. Please don't take me like this." He pleaded at me with his beautiful eyes.

"Always here for me, huh? Where were you at 2 o'clock when I was stuck crying myself to sleep? Where were you when I needed my best friend? Where were you when you were the person I wanted to talk to? Oh, yeah. That's right. You weren't there. Because you were not real!" Tears streamed down my face and my lips quivered.

My frame was moving convulsively as I buried my face into my palms, maybe it cuts off my being pathetic. Suddenly, I felt warmth embracing me. I looked up at him and my heart went crazy over the contact.

He was quite taller than me such that his chin was resting on my head. The aura of the situation held me in a tightening grip, rendering me motionless.

"I am sorry Mi Yi. Forgive me, I was unaware of the pain I caused you. I miss you so terribly... I cannot describe it. I have never missed anyone so much."

Oh, how I wanted to say that I missed him.

How I wanted to call him and start a stupid conversation the way we used to do. How I wanted to ask him something ridiculous like did he like cats, like what did he think of the colour blue, like did he love me, like did he ever? Did he ever love me at all?

Or, oh, how I wanted to go back to the beginning, to the first day when I approached him. How I wanted to leave so he'd never told me his fake name and I'd never told him mine.

And just like a candle he burned bright and emit a sweet scent that filled me with joy. His flame eventually withered and left me alone in the dark with only the bitter scent of his smoke and all that I longed for, was just another moment in the light, but just like a candle, he was only temporary.

I sniffled and pushed him back lightly, "I forgive you... I forgave you long back. I am now in the process of forgiving myself for being that naive. And one day, I had to say this to you... I had to let it go. So that I won't trust-"

"You will. You have to. You have to trust me again. I'll win it because I am not letting you go. I'll do whatever it takes to fill in this void I created. It hurts to know that you think so lowly of me but I would fix it. Because this means everything to me. You were there for me at my worst, I'll be there for you."

My breathing became hard at what seriousness his face was portraying. I had never seen him like that before.

"And I'll do it on purpose. On purpose to win back your trust. It's not just a coincidence, it's not just these stars aligned that say that this is our end. This is not the end till I say so, or... Or till you hate me."

He seemed hurt but... It's hard to be just friends with someone you fell in love.

"Let's get you out of here," I said, looking away, "you aren't leaving from the window. Don't do such stuff for me."

•••

(A/N: I almost forgot these masterpieces. Like they deserve so much more recognition:

I literally got goosebumps at his dexterity and lyrics almost like someone narrating their love story right in my ear! 🙌)