Invaders of Darkness

Chapter 5 - Tatooine

Author's Note: Hopefully this chapter isn't as trashy as the previous. Prepare to see a few more familiar faces...

~ Tirana Sorki

They say that pain of loss is supposed to fade in time. Kanan doesn't see it happening, even though it's been several months now.

He turns the Imperial cadet helmet over in his hands as he stares at it. The helmet that belonged to Ezra which he used as a disguise on so many missions. Ironic how he often pretended to be an Imperial alongside Kanan, and now, he's lost to the Empire, like so many others.

This... it's one of Kanan's last connections to him. He's kept it in his room ever since what happened, which feels like an eternity ago now. Sometimes he's hardly even sure how he's kept going so long. Everything in the Ghost reminds him of Ezra. Everything in the Ghost still feels like Ezra. But at the same time avoiding for that reason almost feels worse.

Ezra was practically like his son, as Sabine is almost like his daughter in a way. He should have done more to protect him. But now, it's too late. For regrets, for literally anything, because nothing in the world can change what happened.

It's sometimes hard to believe that he really only knew Ezra for a year. It almost feels like a lifetime. Maybe because, despite all the chaos that happened in that year, it was still one of the best of his life, at least since after the Purge. Ezra always managed to raise everyone's spirits like no one else could. The way only children can, he supposes. Sabine is a little old to fill such a role now.

A fight like this isn't something Ezra should even have been involved in until he was older, but age makes little difference with the Empire. He was dragged into it already when he was seven, even if he never actively fought until joining up with the Ghost crew.

Why did have to be Ezra? Why couldn't it have been him? He'd willingly trade himself in a moment if it meant that the boy would still be here with them. Besides, he's more trained in the Force and might have been able to break out in a case where Ezra couldn't.

If only – if only things could be different. Kanan's grip on the helmet tightens a little. He wants his son back. He wants to... go back in time several months to when everything was still alright. But he knows there's no going back, and he's come to accept it, but that doesn't make it any less painful to have to wake up every day knowing that Ezra is dead.

A quiet tapping on the cabin door snaps him out of his thoughts. "Come in," he calls, standing up as he sets the helmet down on his bed.

The door slides open, Hera stepping into the room. "Ahsoka is here, asking for you," she declares.

"Another mission?" he inquires, rising and approaching the Twi'lek.

"I don't know. Probably," she replies, eyeing him for a momen., "How are you holding up?"

"About the same," he answers with a sigh. The only thing that makes this easier than when he was mourning Depa's death is that at least he has Hera, Sabine, and Zeb with him, who are all mourning Ezra as much as he is. "And you?"

"I'm fine," Hera insists, "Just busy practicing with the pilots." She's the captain of her own squadron now, after all. Because that how she deals with everything. Focuses on what needs to be done, on helping to free the galaxy like Ezra would have wanted. And maybe Kanan should say something more about it to her, remind her that she actually should take a moment to take care of herself too, but right now, he doesn't have it in him to offer more than his silent support.

He nods instead. "I shouldn't keep Ahsoka waiting."

The Togruta is watching a hologram when he arrives. Kanan recognizes the figure in the hologram immediately. Anakin Skywalker, the hero of the Clone Wars, who even he worshipped when he was younger. He's used his training videos for years to help improve his own saber skills. Thinking about that sends another stab of pain shooting through him, because he used to do that with Ezra all the time, and now...