Fixation

Dear Shadow

I guess I always knew you were there.

 Unconsciously if anything. 

You were my light despite your darkness. When we met as children I was afraid you would hate me as well. But to my surprise, you gave me your sweet smile and told me to sit beside you. I hate to admit it but I was smitten but I didn't want to scare you off so I focused my attention elsewhere. Only years later did you tell me how hurt you were and I am truly sorry for that. When I found out about the Nara clan secret I was a bit apprehensive at first. Uncertain of our future together but my demonic father slapped some sense into me. 

You were a blessing, someone I could share my life with intimately. So of course I clung to you. But don't be hurt my feelings were never false. I truly do love you, I love you endlessly Shikamaru. You opened a world of possibilities that were once closed. I know for a fact that I was the one who kissed you that night in the hospital, everything I had ever wanted was quite literally in my lap. How could I resist? You cried for me when you thought I was gone, I was touched but I will never let you go through that ever again. I can promise you that wholeheartedly. 

I courted you after and sure there were times when miscommunication happened but we solved it because we are now tied for eternity. Hearing your heartbeat when I'm away from you makes me so happy because I know I'm not truly alone. Holding your hand, kissing you, and sharing a bed made me smitten. I often spend nights holding you close because I don't want you to disappear. It's silly I know but humor me baby shadow I'm a sensitive person. I show my love by giving you things, many things. You complain that I don't need to but seeing you blush while I give you new necklaces with gems that mean something sentimental makes me smile. You say I'm a dork for doing this but you still kiss me and tell me you love me anyway. 

When we got home I knew you were happy to see your parents and clan again. What surprised me was that they were happy to see me as well. Give me lots of hugs and well wishes. I think that was the moment I realized that not only did you accept me and love me but your parents and clan also did. I finally had a big family and I will do anything to protect them from harm. They are now precious to me just like you are. It was fun to see you slot right back in with your team and how open they were to accept me into the dynamic. Ino is my best friend and sending letters back and forth through the years made our bond special. Choji isn't left out, we've become ramen buddies and we train together. I never realized how my life revolved around Sasuke and Sakura. How toxic it had become and you had saved me from that. So thank you, baby. 

On our first date back I decided I wanted us to have a way to show the world we were deeply in love, that we were together forever and that we were happy with that. So I proposed and you said yes. I was so overjoyed that we were getting married. I left the plans to you of course. You always had the better taste and I would hate to crash the theme you had. But funnily enough, when you showed me my kimono for the wedding you had made it bright orange. You stated you wanted me to stand out. I was touched that you would allow me to have my orange someway, especially since the rest of the theme is gonna clash. It just showed me that you care about my tastes. I love you so much and I can't wait to marry you. 

You expressed your interest in being under me, me inside you, and when I heard those words float out of your mouth and over my ears I was so tempted to just give in and fuck you against the wall. It didn't help that I was learning about it from my father figure since the night I proposed. All the things that were possible between us were mind-numbing in a good way. But I didn't want to hurt you so I started to research it. Certain things that would've been easy if you were a woman now took preparation because you're a male. But I don't mind, I love doing things like this to you and you respond so well to it. I can't wait until we're married because I feel insatiable whenever you shake under me when I tried new things out on you. I take my research seriously and aftercare came up more than once so I adopted that. 

I've come so close to just giving in and making love to you but I want to do it when we're bonded. I can see the greed in your eyes the way your eyes beg me to just take you. To get inside you and stir you up but I want to wait for that night. I promise then that I'll go for as long as you want. I'll pleasure you beyond belief. You once told me we could have just been friends. I'm glad you agreed to be in a relationship with me. I find you so alluring, I love you so much and I can't wait to show you, my love, in a new way.