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Oscar: KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT YOUR FREAKING MOUTH!!!
Marty: I'M GOING TO!!! OKAY?!
Pio: *wheezes* Oh no, he won't!
*KNOCK KNOCK*
Pio: Come in!!!
Mario came in.
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Mario: Hey, Dad.
Pio: Hello, Mario! You alright, son?
Mario: A bit... Listen, I need...
Pio: Hang on a minute, have you seen this viral video of this Fish slapping a Zebra?
Mario: Yes, I have. Oscar from 'Shark Tale' was slapping Marty from 'Madagascar' because he made a offensive joke or something...
Marty: Wow... Oscar just smacked the Sugar Honey Iced Tea out of me...
...
Pio: So, what brings you here?
Mario: I need you help about how to raise a baby.
Pio: Is that a baby in your hand?! AM I A GRANDPA NOW?!?!?!
Mario: N- No, It's...
Pio: Your wife is half-way through her pregnancy! Did you use a plunger on her?
Mario: Why does everybody keep saying that I used a plunger on Meggy?
...
Pio: Anyways, what is that?
Mario: It's a baby doll, I took a Prenatal Class yesterday and I'm doing a project, at the moment.
Pio: Ah, right.
Mario: Remember when you said that you want parenting advice back on New Year's Eve?
Pio: Yeah?
Mario: Well... I might need some advice.
Doll: *crying noises* Waaa!!!
Mario: Ah, Christ...
Pio: Give me the doll! Let's see if I can help.
Mario gives the doll to Pio.
Pio: Shh! Now, now, now, now, now! Come on, come on, come on! Shh! Shh! Shh!
The doll stops making noises.
Mario: Bloody hell, you've got the touch!
Pio: Well, if you have a little of your own... you have to learn something.
Mario: Okay?
Pio: Stick the kettle on, if you want a cup of Tea.
Mario: Nah, I won't be here long... Can I have a chat about raising a child?
Pio: If want a chat... then, come into the garden and let's sit on my chatting bench.
In the garden...
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Mario: Listen Dad, is being a new parent gonna be a pain in the ass?
Pio: Well, when I was your age... you did poop a lot. And Luigi cried a lot.
Mario: Is that bad?
Pio: But, the thing is... it takes real skill to know what you are doing.
Mario: I kinda know that... Now, I'm trying to do everything by the book, but I'm worried I might screw that up. I was going insane when this doll cried over-night!
Pio: It's okay to be worried, there is actually a routine that might wanna get used to.
Mario: Really?
Pio: Everyday, you're gonna have to expect crying all of the time, you'll have to change nappies if they poop and you might get tired all of the time.
Mario: Right...
Pio: If they cry... it might also mean they are hungry for milk. But, they'll have to be breast-fed until they're about a month old. By then, they'll switch to formula.
Mario: What's that?
Pio: You use formula powder and water, and then... you mix them together. But, it's important to check the temperature.
Mario: And?
Pio: And, most importantly... after you fed them, you have to make them burp by leaning them forward slightly, and with your free hand, gently rub or pat their backs.
Mario: What about if they need sleep?
Pio: Newborns usually sleep about 14 - 17 hours a day. They also go through sleep-cycles, each newborn sleep cycle has both active sleep and quiet sleep, and takes about 40 minutes.
Mario: But what if they wake up during the night?
Pio: Just try to do what I did.
Doll: *crying noises* Waaa!!!
Pio: Try what I did.
Mario: Shh! Shh! Come on, come on, come on! That's it, that's it!
The doll stops crying.
Pio: That's it!
Mario: To be honest, that actually felt quite good.
Pio: So, are you ready to become a Dad, now?
Mario: Hopefully.
Pio: If need any more help, you know who to go to.
Mario: Thanks, Dad.
*HUG*
When Mario was leaving...
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