The Re-Set

Recovery

"Hello Beth, dear...I am so glad we've caught you." Caroline said, stepping out from behind the car to greet Beth as she walked towards the main gates, whilst maintaining a strong grip on my right hand, offering me her support as I stumbled clumsily over a raised kerb. Beth was not wearing her jumper, I noticed, because sweaters were optional for the old Redstone girls, and it was another warm spring day. Her hair was loose, and her blazer was casually unbuttoned as it always was, flapping around just a little bit as she walked briskly up the small incline towards us. But I was no longer a Redstone girl and nothing was optional anymore for me, of course. I stood rigidly beside Caroline in my properly zipped-up coat, trying not to be envious of my best friend, still wishing that I could go back to how I used to be, which was just like Beth, of course. But those days seemed to be long gone, so suddenly, and I could not see any way back to them, anymore. "How are you, dear?"

"Oh, hi Mrs Buckingham...I'm fine thanks?" Beth replied, smiling happily at both of us, just as Felicity hurried round from her side of the family car to stand protectively beside me. And my best friend instantly sensed something was wrong with me. "Is Olivia okay, Ma'am?"

"No...not really...she is a bit...out of sorts?" Caroline suggested, giving my hand what I am sure was an encouraging squeeze. "Beth, you've done a brilliant job keeping an eye on my two this week...Charles and I are so grateful...but I think we need you to be a little more proactive today, if that is okay with you, dear?"

"I don't understand...Mrs Buckingham?" Beth said, staring at me. My eyes were probably still red, because I had been crying in the car, but other than that, I suppose I looked exactly as I had the day before. My hair was neatly braided and my school uniform was pristine. I was a Deepdene girl, and I looked like one. I even felt like one.

"Olivia is really very unsettled at the moment...and she had a complete meltdown yesterday evening...really very upset." Caroline explained, squeezing again, trying to be nice. "We were tempted to keep her at home today...she had a bit of a broken night...but in the end, I decided that she will be better off keeping busy rather than brooding at home? However, she might get upset again...or do something silly, because she is so emotional at the moment? I am going to have a word with the school, so that the staff will keep a close eye on her...but I would be very grateful if you could really look after her...between lessons? I know you bring your phone to school with you, so you could call or text me if you have any concerns...and Olivia knows that we expect her to do exactly as you tell her, don't you, Olivia?"

"Yes, Auntie Caroline." I mumbled, bowing my head, feeling pathetic. But to be fair, at least in hindsight, I had to admit that Caroline's vague description of my reaction to her terrible news the night before was pretty accurate. It started with finding out that I was not going home, and rather than letting my frustrations out, I held them all in, and simply burst into tears, as if there was simply no room inside my head for all that internal torment. And once I had started crying that hard, I could not stop. By the time Caroline picked me up, and carried me into her imposing mansion, which she suddenly wanted me to think of as my new home, just like that, I think that I was almost hysterical, and I stayed like that, for what felt like hours. Both Caroline and Dad tried to talk to me, attempting to find out what was wrong, but I could not stop sobbing long enough to give them any coherent answers. And then I passed out, I suppose. It was only when I woke up, several hours later and well past my new bedtime, that Dad managed to get a sensible word out of me, and I suppose I told him why I was so distressed. I mean, I must have told him something, since he knew enough in the morning to make some sense of things, and had quite obviously shared everything with Caroline, but I do not actually remember talking to him, or even what I said, in any detail. It was all just a blur to me, like a bad dream, half remembered in the dark shadows of my rather confused mind. Even in the morning, when Caroline started to get us both ready for school, on the basis that she wanted to try and get me there, I just felt wobbly and insecure. Because it was as if my whole life had been taken away from me in a matter of days. I simply could not cope with the idea that home was not home anymore, or that Dad was ripping me away from the only house I had ever known so callously, and so quickly as it seemed to me. Dad and Caroline had dealt with my anger, and my attitude I suppose, for six long and admittedly rather difficult days, but on the seventh, they were presented with my real emotional state, and I think it came as a shock to everyone. Including me.