return to me - enha

hyungs!

1st january, 1942.

sunoo, stared at the hot water, rope and chair.

he didn't want to do this.

but his depression was so bad, that he just wanted to escape it all.

he couldn't even shower without feeling an overwhelming sense of dream wash - no pun intended- over him.

he was lost without the boys. without his family, his friends. his best friends.

he sighed heavily, now glancing to his arms. there were deep gashes from where he'd carved at his body.

"sunoo, hyung!" niki shouted, his voice echoing.

"you promised to stay! you promised to wait for us! don't break your promise!" his voice cracked, his false emotions getting the best of him.

or they would have, if niki was there.

"you broke your promise, so why can't i break mine?"

sunoo laughed harshly.

he picked up a flannel, dipped it in the hot water and started wiping his arms, legs and torso with it. dried blood covered the majority of his body, which made it almost impossible to see his naturally glowing skin.

the blood wiped off pretty easily - it didn't take too long for him to clean himself.

he stood up, slowly removing his top to clean his torso. he saw the scratches, the scars and the faint lines of what used to be a flat stomach.

the words 'fat balloon' were etched into his upper chest.

despite being pretty slim his whole life, he was never told he was. it was always, 'sunoo! why are you eating so much? slow down, pig!' or, 'jesus, sunoo. leave some for the rest of us, will you?'

but the boys helped him grow out of it. he slowly but surely started to believe himself. believe that he wasn't fat. that he didn't need to stop eating. that he didn't need to weigh himself everyday, before and after sleeping.

"sunoo, put the fucking role down." heeseungs voice rang through sunoos tired ears.

"i'm telling you, sunoo! if you don't put it down!"

sunoo didn't listen. he looped the rope around -twisting and turning it, knotting and hooping it - till it made a noose.

"sunoo.." now it was sunghoons turn to cry.

i'm sorry, sunghoon.

he hung the noose on the oh so conveniently placed hook on the ceiling, pulling it a few times to make sure it was sturdy.

after it didn't fall, he grabbed the chair.

"sunoo, please, please don't!" it was jay. of course it was. jay, the one who only grew to be friends with sunoo because of heeseung, was sad.

but that didn't matter. he just wanted to be with them.

and he finally could.

─┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

sunoo had no one to write a goodbye letter to. it was only him and the boys, till november 30th, 1941.

─┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

"sunoo? you're here!?"

"sunoo.. what did you do?"

"hey! whyre you here?"

"what happened, sunoo?"

"i missed you so much, sunsun!"

"welcome."

─┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

"..so you're telling me," niki said to sunoo, small tears rolling down his cheeks. "that you left, just to be with us?"

"you.. you heard us, too, right?"

"what did you hear?"

"hey.. sunoo?"

"sunoo!"