Adumbrate || Phan

Nescience

I woke up the next morning feeling two strong arms wrapped around me. I knew it wasn't purposely. I slowly slipped out of bed to avoid any awkwardness. He woke up ten minutes later, had some toast and then left. He didn't say goodbye. He didn't say thank you. But he did smile at me and I knew that meant both. That was the day I saw Phil Lester's alter ego. And I liked it.
-
I walked into school on Monday morning completely unmotivated or interested. I went to the student room and sat down in a seat. Less than 5 seconds later Chris had ran up, pushed my bag off the table and sat in its place right in front of me.
"Hey bud!" He said cheerily.
"Don't call me bud." I responded drearily.
"What's up with you?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing together.
"Nothing."
"Oh... alright! Did you have a good weekend?" He asked. I froze.
"Nah, it was boring. You?" He'd have a field day if I told him.
"Yeah," he lowered his voice to a whisper. "After the art show, which was boring as hell by the way, I went back to PJ's and we figured there was no point in me going home so I just slept over. In the same bed." I usually would have reacted in a completely excited way and teased Chris with witty remarks, but seeming as I had done basically exactly the same thing with a boy four years older than me that I didn't even like in that way, the statement just seemed kind of mediocre to me. I just smiled at him and said "that's nice". He furrowed his eyebrows at me again and was about to say something before the bell went.
-
When I got out of school I turned my phone on to find a text message.

From: Number Withheld
You're gonna wish you'd never met him.
D

What? I tried to text back but it wouldn't let me. It left so many unanswered questions. Who was 'him'?  Why don't I want to have met him? Who was D?
I rushed home and shut myself in my room, scrolling through my phone trying to find the message.
I chuckled to myself that I was literally searching for the D.
I stopped chuckling when I realised the message was gone. It had been deleted.
How? I had only seen it less that 5 minutes ago? Could I have imagined it? Maybe. I was pretty tired. I shrugged and lay back on my bed, hugging the duvet when something fell into my hands. A pair of holey, odd socks. I smiled.

To: Phil Lester
You left your socks at mine. Probably for the best, you need some new ones.

I put my headphones in and put my music on shuffle. The song that came on was 'Northern Downpour' and I groaned slightly. Don't get me wrong, I love p!atd but this one always seemed so acousticy and boring. Then again, I had never given it a chance. I decided to keep listening.
And I listened to the whole song.
Again.
And again.
And again.
It was officially my favourite. And I had some idea why. One line in it caught my interest.

Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down

It reminded me of Phil. It really reminded me of Phil. And during in the fifth time of me listening to it, I got a text.

From: Phil Lester
Lol sorry. You can pay for some new ones for me.

I went on his contact and pressed the green phone button. It rang for a minute.
"Hello?"
"Hello."
"Why are you ringing me, Dan?"
"We're going sock shopping."
"What?"
"You need new socks. I'll pay." There was silence at the end of the line.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes. Socks are a serious issue and yours are on their last leg, well foot, you can't put them through anymore pain."
More silence.
"You're weird."
"Yep."
"I'll be over in ten minutes."
"Okay."
I don't know why I wanted to hang out with Phil, but I just did. I knew he could (and probably would) snap back any minute to the douhebag I hated but the person he was at the minute- he was really cool. And easy to talk to. Enjoyable to talk to. You can't blame me for wanting to talk to someone I enjoyed talking to, even if I wasn't sure if I actually liked them.
-
"Please try to blow it more out the window." I begged as Phil smoked his cigarette in the passenger seat of my car. I allowed him to because he seemed stressed but I was now regretting it.
"Sorry." He mumbled and threw the whole thing out the window before winding it back up. I furrowed my eyebrows at him.
"You okay?" I asked.
"Yeah. Grand." He mumbled.
"Okay. Have you heard of Panic! At The Disco?"
"Heard of them, aren't they that emo band who sang something about a door?" I chuckled lightly.
"That's them. I want to play you a song by them."
"Oh god, okay." He said. I got my phone and plugged it into the aux and scrolled through my music. "It's illegal to go on your phone whilst driving you know."
"In case you haven't realised Phil, I'm a rebel. I always break the law. In fact, I killed a man the other day." He rolled his eyes at me, but I saw his lips quiver at the corners. I pressed play and the song began, the guitar strumming it's slow tune.
"Ugh, really, acoustic?"
"Just listen."
'If all our life is but a dream
Fantastic posing greed
Then we should feed our jewelry to the sea
For diamonds do appear to be
Just like broken glass to me'
"That makes no sense." He scoffed.
And then she said she can't believe
Genius only comes along
In storms of fabled foreign tongues
Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs
Northern downpour sends its love
"This is the most boring song I've ever he-"
"Ssssh, listen!" I said, flicking him in the ear.
Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down
And then he understood.
"Hey, it's about the moon!" He said. I smiled.
"It reminded me of you."
"I suddenly like this song a lot more." He said, turning up the volume knob.
"Me too."
-
"Sugar caneeeeee in the easy mornin', weather vaneeeeeees my one and lone-" I turned off the music and cut off Phil's singing. He coughed embarrassedly and murmured, "Good song."
"I have good taste." I said, smiling at him. He smiled back. Cute. "We're here now." I said getting out the car and locking the door. We walked into town until we got to Topman and we went in there. I went over to the sock stand and realised Phil wasn't with me. I looked over to find him admiring an item of clothing. As I walked closer, I realised it was a coat with a picture of a galaxy on it, covered in stars and pretty colours.
"Get it." I said, leaning against the wall. He looked at the price tag and then sighed.
"Nah, it's not even that nice, I only liked it cos it had stars on." He looked up at me, shrugged, then he walked over to look at the socks.
Hm. I knew Phil wasn't well off, but you would have thought he would be able to buy himself a basic necessity such as a coat.
The socks were on special offer, 3 for 2. Phil picked out a black pair with green alien faces on, a pair with drawings of fast food all over them and some green and blue stripy ones. They came to £7. Phil smirked and said that I'd promise I'd pay before getting out his battered wallet and paying the cashier himself.

"I would have payed yanno." I said as we walked out the shop.
"I think I can buy my own socks by now Dan, I'm a big boy." He said, smiling at me.
"That may be, but you are still shorter than me." I said, ruffling his hair.
"At least I can legally buy alcohol." He said, pushing me lightly before looking into a shop window and sorting out his fringe. I just rolled my eyes at him.
"I'm hungry, wanna get some food?" I said. He shrugged.
"Sure, I could eat." We were literally right outside a McDonalds so we just went there. I got a large Big Mac meal. He got a big box of chicken nuggets, insisting they were his favourite. Just after we sat down, I told him 'I have to pee' before getting up and sneaking out the door then running down the road.
-
I came back out of breath and presented the Topman bag to Phil. He furrowed his eyebrows at me.
"Open it!" I exclaimed. He did as he was told and he brought out the galaxy coat. As he held it out in front of him, I saw him smile a little bit but stopped himself.
"Why d'ya get me that, I told you I didn't like it that much." He said, not taking his eyes off the coat.
"Well I can go return it now if you want-"
"No that's not necessary." He said. "You've bought it now, no point in going back again." I agreed. He didn't say thank you but he looked up and gave me that amazing smile, so he really didn't have to.
-
We were walking down the road, almost at the car when we suddenly heard someone shout 'Phil!'. They sounded like they had a strong, foreign accent, I couldn't quite make out where it was from though. I saw Phil freeze and curse under his breathe. I gave him a confused look but he refused to look at me, turning round to meet this strange person. It was a short, bald man who looked to be in his mid thirties. He was wearing countless amounts of jewellery- chains, rings, earrings and was carrying one small paper bag.
"Hello Phil-er." He said in his strange accent, smiling to reveal many gold teeth. Phil nodded in response. "What're you doing here, eh? Shopping for clothes?" He looked at the bags Phil was carrying and then to me. He chuckled. "I think your friend has turned you soft, eh?" Phil smirked (not the nice kind).
"You know that couldn't happen." His voice sounded harder than usual. The bald guy chuckled again then lowered his voice.
"Hey, how about you hook me up with some of that good shit you got, eh? You know how much I like to do business with you."
WHAT?
What 'good shit' did Phil have?
Phil glanced over at me and stiffened slightly before saying,
"Sure. Swing by tonight." The man smiled, his teeth shining in the sunlight.
"Okay, I see you then. Goodbye Phil. Goodbye Phil's friend." I smiled slightly. He chuckled again before walking off with a slight limp in his stride. When he was out of sight, I pounced on Phil.
"What's he coming over for tonight, Phil? What good shit you gonna give him, eh?"
Phil sighed.
"It's not what it sounds like-"
"It sure seems what it bloody sounds like!" I said, anger causing my voice to get louder.
"Dan, please be quiet, let's just go back."
"You joking? You're not getting in my car, no way." I said stepping back from him. Phil glared at me.
"You're not gonna let me explain?" He asked.
"You don't need to, I've heard all I need." I turned my back and started to walk away.
"Fuck you." I turned round to see Phil staring at me with eyes icy cold. "You are as much of a shallow minded prick as everyone else on the face of this earth. You have no idea what that conversation was about but you decide you know everything I do and literally leave me by myself without so much as a goodbye. I hope you crash your car and get brain damage, because then you might become a little more open minded you arsehole. I don't know why I ever spoke to you in the first place, you're just some stupid child. You don't deserve any explanation. Just go back to your pristine life and I'll go back to mine that was happier without you in it." And then he began to walk away.
It was literally like a blow to the stomach.
What was I thinking?
"Phil, wait, please, I'm sorr-"
"Bit too late for that, don't you think?" He said, scowling. Before I could say anything else, he had walked away and I was left alone in the road, staring at the spot where he stood. The only thing that took me out of my trance was a car, less that a meter away, honking its horn at me with impatience. I snapped out of it and stuck my hand up in apology, walking back to the pavement and climbing into my car.
Why would I care what Phil thought anyway? Why would I care if he was in my life or not? I didn't even like him.
I put the keys in the ignition and started up the engine.
Northern Downpour blasted out the speakers. And that was the first time I cried over Phil Lester.