Killing (And Other Games)

(Thirty Six)

(Thirty Six)

It's like I'm not even aware of where I am. I float through the corridors, skim down the stairs, I'm not really anywhere until I'm at the prison. I hardly even remember sleeping the night before, I hardly remember waking up. I feel like everything is slipping away from me so fast that I can't grab hold again. So when I approach Aster's cell I'm almost surprised to realise I'm here for a reason.

The way Piers looked at me yesterday made me question everything. Maybe even the conversations with Charlainne and Joan pushed me towards doubt. I know Piers did it, I know that more then I know anything else, but the next step seems unclear. I feel like I'm walking through pitch darkness with no end in sight. Like the first time I walked down the corridor to the stadium, I suppose. Something was on the other end but I wasn't sure what.

So I go to the one person I can think of. Gray is too kind, too biased to both sides, too much of a friend to tell me what I need to hear. If we're on a wild goose chase he'll never tell me. And Zane? I couldn't give him all of this on top of what he's in. Nor Ryker nor Danika. There is only one other person I know who can help me and who is actually aware of werewolves and demons and things with fangs.

When they bring Aster in she doesn't even seem particularly surprised. Maybe I was always meant to end up here, always meant to ask her this.

"My brother?" she asks neutrally, as if she doesn't care one way or the other. She's hiding under a perfect mask.

"He won," I inform, taking the seat opposite hers. She nods and waits for me to speak. This seems rehearsed; déjà vu. "I need to ask you something that has nothing to do with you."

"Everything has to do with me," Aster laughs, smiling slyly. I can't tell if she's joking or not.

"I came to you because I don't want to burden Zane when he's in the middle of all this, I don't want to give him another thing to think about," I admit, the words spilling out of me. "I know who killed Lawson and Sloane. I know who's framing Zane."

This catches her off guard. Her strange eyes widen, her mouth opening a little. "Who?" she whispers.

"The Minister of Light; Piers."

It takes her a while to speak, her mouth still hanging open but her eyes flickering across my face, and when she does reply all she says is, "you don't know what to do, do you?"

"That's why I came to you. You know so much more about this then I do."

"Obviously," Aster snickers, regaining composure. I guess she's just surprised. "How do you know?"

"We...it's a long story but a girl he was sleeping with was killed in the games and-"

"He framed Zane for revenge?" Aster gasps, looking away. She narrows her eyes at the wall. "And I guess this would all be a good occasion to kill one bird with two stones and start a revolution."

"You think he wants a revolution?"

"That or a war," Aster shrugs. "Anything where he gets to kill a few dark creatures."

I shake my head, biting my lip. I hate him more and more every second. "What should I do?"

"You can't do anything," Aster says, her tone final. I raise my eyebrows and try to take what she's saying in. Why can't I do anything? Because I'm human? "Let's talk about this scenario. So you go to the only people with power who would be willing to believe you; the Dark ministers. You tell them what you've found and they believe you for some reason. Then what?"

"They...punish Piers."

Aster laughs and it sends a shiver down my spine. There is nothing calming or natural about her. "I'd like to see someone try that. Piers is above the law."

"No can be above the law."

"Yes, you can be. If you are the law then you're above it."

I bite my lip; run my fingers through the ends of my hair. The joy of discovering the true murderer has been dampened by realising who he really is. "What about justice?" I ask in a whisper. Aster gives me a nod, as if to say yes, I was waiting for that question.

"There is no word for justice in the Dark creature native language. Not one even close. Nor is there one in the Light creature language. It doesn't exist down here, never has. If Piers was accused he'd weasel his way out of it, kill you and torture Zane. There is no way that he'd be punished for this. I've lived more than long enough to understand that and so has Zane."

"This isn't just about saving Zane," I insist. "I want to save him but it's not just about that."

"You want to save the others too?" Aster questions, her tone edgy.

"Of course."

"Okay," she drawls, looking away. "You want to save them all and you want justice. I assume you want world peace and environmental bliss as well?" I give her a long, cool stare and she sighs, rubbing her face with her spider-like hands. "Humans are so sensitive; that wasn't intended to offend you. Let me put it simply: you cannot tell anyone. There is too much to risk. Piers would've known it; he would've known that no sane creature would go against him. No doubt half the parliament already suspects."

I feel like she's further away, like I'm falling down some rabbit hole. Maybe I fell a while ago and I'm only catching up now. "I...I think I knew that." The hollowness that has been with me since discovering Piers part in this all has a name now, an explanation. I knew. I always knew it wouldn't be that easy.

"I think you did."

"I think deep down I knew he was untouchable."

"Everyone knows that deep down. Instincts are the strongest thing we have and you never ignore them."

I sit back in the chair, viewing the world differently. A world where I'm resigned to my fate. "Is that what happened to you?"

"What happened to me?"

"Inevitability?"

"Oh no," Aster giggles, flicking her hair back. Somehow she's managed to keep her hair glossy and wavy, almost as nice as mine. "I was very much the master of my own destiny. Don't tell Zane that though, he still thinks he needs to save me from injustice. Look how those tables have turned."

We sit in a comfortable silence, each of us toying with the future and the past. A calmness washes over me, the sort of calmness a murderer who has finally been convicted would feel. It hurts more than anything but at the very least I know. I can work towards accepting that there is nothing I can do to save my friends.

"Do you think Zane will win?"

I'm surprised by the question. It's almost frightening that she's not sure of something.

"I don't know," I answer. "He won the first round."

"But...how he's acting. Does he seem prepared to win?"

"You mean prepared to fight his friends?" Aster nods. "I think he's...separating himself from it all. He's changed himself for this."

"He'll do that," Aster agrees. "He'll be a completely different person if need be. But what about Charlie? Is he injured or...anything?" There's a light hopefulness in her voice that she doesn't bother to hide.

"No, not that I can see. I saw him fight and..." I don't finish the thought, going back to the calmness. "There's no point talking about it. Especially you. There's no point worrying at all."

"No," Aster agrees but there's something in her voice that fight against what she says.

"I should go," I announce, standing up. As I make my way to the door, Aster pulls the red coin out of her pocket. She holds it like gold, weighing it in her palm. After meeting her, I can't ever think of Aster without thinking of the red coin. That and her eyes.

"Heads he wins," she declares with a pursed-lip smile, "tails he loses."

"You shouldn't put that up to fate," I warn hollowly.

Aster just laughs and flips the coin, catching it on the top of her hand. She peeks at it then looks up at me, that pouted, slightly delusional smile still on her face. "Fate is the only thing we have left."

And, once again, Aster is one hundred per cent right.