Baby Girl (J.G.)

Confessing my Love for a Stupid Boy

This isn't an update but I had to write this down somewhere...

I know were just friends now. We barely ever talk anymore but, I remember the time you were in that car accident and it scared me so much, the thought of you being hurt or gone forever. I'd never be able to talk to you or look at you or hug you or rest my head on your chest. I don't know what I would do if you were ever out of my life and I know I should tell you how I feel but the thought of losing you terrifies me. I think I catch you looking at me from your table at lunch every once in a while and I can feel you staring when I'm trying so hard to make sure our eyes don't connect. I miss you so fucking much. So fucking much that whenever i,see you down the hall, my insides get all tight and I suddenly feel like I need to look away from you because if I ever dare to look into your eyes, my heart might actually stop beating. I dream about you every night and think about you all the fucking time, it's driving me crazy. I want to tell you how I feel but every time I try, I just end up asking you what the homework for science is, because I wasn't listening. I swear half the time I'm actually telling the truth because I was too busy thinking about you. You're fucking everywhere. You're in the sweater you gave for Christmas folded in my closet. You're in the camera you picked up the first time you were in my room, and the pictures you took of me. I remember sitting next to you on my bed so clearly. You were laying in the same spot I sleep in, and I had just shown you the book I wrote in third grade. You begged me to read it for you, so of course, I couldn't say no. I remember reading the first sentence and feeling so nervous, looking up at you from time to time, my face feeling hotter and hotter. God, I remember you touching,my leg and I didn't know how to react so I'd just look at you funny... No wonder you stopped Touching me eventually. No wonder you stopped flirting with me. No wonder you stopped trying. No wonder you told your friends you were going to break up with me two weeks after the dance. I miss you so fucking much, i cry some nights just thinking about it. You made me laugh like crazy and you always made sure I was comfortable. I remember that one time we were playing video games and I got really tired so I leaned over and laid my head on your chest. I loved the way you heart started beating faster and eventually slowed down, and how I could hear every singe heartbeat. You stayed completely silent except for the occasional "are you asleep?" That you'd whisper to me. I loved how it felt to be so close to you and I wanted to be so much closer but I didn't dare move out of that position because I knew that if I did, this moment would end. That moment is my favorite that I remember from our relationship. But it's also my least favorite because hinting about it hurts like hell. It hurts like hell to know you and I will never have a moment anywhere near that and that you'll have so many with other girls. I know that you'll never read this but I miss you so fucking much, and I know now that what I was, and am feeling, was and is, love. I love you so much.

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