you are the reason - Rafe Cameron

XVIII - black out days

Safe to say the past few days have been a pain in the backside. I've been staying wherever had shelter, a little past the Outerbanks border. I had a couple of dollars in my bank account so I had bought food and drinks from the stores. I just felt so alone. I just wanted to go home. I'm so tired i've barely slept. And I just want to see the Pogues, Nathan and apologise for everything i've done to them. I never ever wanted to hurt them. Maybe I should just go back?

I'm walking back to Outerbanks and I get to the border.
"Home sweet home." I say to myself.
I carry on walking until I reach the Chateau. I sigh before walking towards the house. I reach the patio and all the Pogues are sat talking. Pope notices me first then signals to everyone to look back to me. They all turn around. Kie gets up and runs to me and hugs me. She starts crying and so do I. The rest of the Pogues get up afterwards and we all share a group hug.

I sit down with them.
"Where have you been?" JJ asks.
"I was a little past the border of OBX."
"Why did you leave?" Pope asks.
"No one wanted me here. I betrayed you guys, I betrayed Sarah, I betrayed my brother. I hurt everyone I loved around me over someone who didn't love me back."
"You don't seriously believe that do you?" I turn around to see Sarah stood in the doorway.
"Sarah?" She slowly walks towards me so I stand up. We reach each other and after a few seconds she hugs me. We let go and her eyes are all red and blood shot.

"What happened to you? Why did you leave?"
"I just needed to go. I hurt everyone I loved and I couldn't stay round here anymore."
"And the letter. What did you think we would do after reading it?"
"I don't know. How did you get it?"
"I don't know but Rafe gave it to me."
"Wait what letter?" John B says standing up.
Sarah sighs pulling out a piece of paper from her pocket.

"Dear Pogues,
I'm sorry for everything I did. I never meant to hurt you, either of you. I understand why you would feel betrayal from me for my actions, my relationship with Rafe. I never intentionally wanted to go out my way and hurt you. I know that Rafe has done bad shit to you all which of course you would hate the fact I'm meant to be your friends and I would have a relationship with him and especially not tell any of you.

I hate myself more than you guys ever could. I wish I could have taken it all back and changed the decisions i've made which caused hurt to the people I love. My decision to leave is based off the fact that I can't live here in Outerbanks knowing you're all here and I can't even talk to you or see any of you.

I'm also really sorry that I ruined all your friendships with Sarah. She was never to blame for any of it. She was being a true friend to me and I should have appreciated her and you all more than I did.

I'm sorry for everything. I love you all so much.

Shaine XO"

Sarah is crying and Kie is tearing up. John B slowly walks towards Sarah and he hugs her. She cries in his arms. All the other Pogues including me hug them too.

After all the tears are cried, we all catch up. I can't believe the Pogues have forgiven us both. I'm so grateful for them.
"I'm going to get a drink, S coming?" Sarah says. I agree confused.
We walk into the house and she stands in the kitchen.
"You ok?" I ask.
"The letters. You wrote Rafe one didn't you?" I look down and fiddle with my hands. I look back up at her and I nod.

"You know he's been a mess."
"What do you mean?"
"The night of the party, I got home and I looked through Rafe's bedroom door. I saw him smashing shit up. I'd never seen him so angry in my life. He kept mumbling stuff to himself." I frown my brows.
"He kept saying stuff like 'Man up, she's just a girl' , 'It wasn't ever real' , 'You agreed to the dare,"
"W-wait what? Dare?" Did I miss something? Did Sarah misunderstand what he said?