you are the reason - Rafe Cameron

IV - deer in headlights

(WARNING : aggressive behaviour/verbal&physical.

Last nights decision to get wasted was a bad one. I woke up to the bright sun bursting through my window, a ringing in my ears. I slowly struggle to open my eyes and when I do, I regret it. I throw my head back down to the pillow, that's when I realise Rafe wasn't there. Weird. We haven't spent the night away from each other for a very long time. I finally pull myself out of bed and I stumble to my desk and grab my phone. It's 12pm and I have a couple messages from the Pogues but nothing from Rafe. Maybe I'm overthinking things but I don't know.

I slowly walk down the stairs, careful to not fall down them when I see Nathan actually cleaning up. Seriously am I still dreaming? As I reach the kitchen he turns around to see me
"You look rough as fuck." He says.
"Yeah thanks for that."
I sit down at the table, my head in my hands. Nathan comes and sits opposite me placing an aspirin and a glass of water infront of me. I look up to see it. He's actually being nice?

"Did you have a vampire as company."
"What?"
"Your neck."
"What about my neck?"
"It's full of hickeys." Oh shit. I realised it was the marks Rafe left on me last night. God damn Rafe.
"Oh uh it was from last night, me and the Pogues played truth or dare." He nodded.

"What was that last night then?" He asks. I look at him and frown my brows.
"Do you not remember?"
"Remember what?"
"You kissed Rafe? You know, Rafe Cameron who you hate. Infront of like everyone." My eyes widen as I gulp the water and take the aspirin.
"I uh I do not recall that ever happening."
"Well it did. We all saw."
"When you say we?"
"Oh you know like me, Kelce, Topper, Jess and her posse."
"Ahhh." Is all I can say. I clear my throat and stand up.

"Is there something between you two?"
"Me and Rafe? Definitely not. It was just the perfect opportunity for me to get to Jessica because she was being a try hard."
"Right. Makes sense I mean Rafe would never go for you."
"Mmm yup. I'm going to go." Rafe would never go for me? Well that's not true.

I go upstairs, take a shower and get changed into a white vest top and baby blue denim jeans, vest tucked in of course with a belt. Black converse you can never go wrong. I grab my phone and decide to head to John B's. It's about 2pm and still nothing from Rafe. I tried messaging him a couple times.

Rafe x

Hey x
You okay?
Rafe?
Have I done something?
Rafe answer me I'm worried now

Still no reply...
I didn't want to over do it and sound like a clingy girlfriend. I kept trying to let it go but Rafe would never ignore me for this long and when he does it's because he's working for his dad or helping his dad but he tells me before hand. I check my phone once more and it still says no reply, not even seen. I throw my phone to the passenger seat of my car and drive off.

I get to John B's and they are all sat on the hammocks. Kie, Pope, Sarah, JJ, John B obviously. I go over and sit in the hammock with Kie and Sarah. We are all gossiping when the guys decide to go to the store to get alcohol for later, leaving just us girls.

"So how are you and JB?" Kie asks Sarah
"Good. He's different isn't he?"
"That's one way to describe him." Kie replied causing us all to giggle.
"Also Kie what's going on with you and Pope?" Sarah asks. Kie's face almost instantly blushes
"What uh what are you talking about? Me and Pope?"
"C'mon I saw the looks on your faces playing never have I ever. That's pretty much all I remember of last night actually." She says giggling. I smile.
"Uh ok fine if I tell you we don't speak about it again." Me and Sarah look at each other then back at Kie.

"Ok so the night of the party at your house Sarah. When Pope and I left the game of truth or dare, we went to the beach and I think I was way to high and he confessed he had feelings for me and we hooked up but it was only once and I don't know what to do because I love Pope but I don't want to be in a relationship with him and I don't know how to tell him that." My brows were raised and Sarah looked shocked. Kie looks relieved that she finally said something about it.

"So Pope has feelings for you and you were high so you hooked up with him?" I ask
"Y-yeah." Kie replies.
"Yeah your fucked Kie." Sarah says
"What? What do you mean? Why?"
"Whatever you decide now may ruin the friendship between the pair of you." Sarah replies. I nod agreeing.
"Why?"
"Because you reject him, he may act all uh you know Pope which means you won't have much of a bond anymore and if you get with him that's against Pogue rules remember?" "No Pogue on Pogue macking." I say hand actioning speech marks.
"No one listens to that stupid rule anyway."Kie throws her head back. Sarah grabs her hand.
"Hey, we will figure it out ok?" Kie smiles weakly.

"On that note how about we go to mine till we have to go to whatever party JJ has planned." Sarah suggests. Kie nods and I'm not really paying attention. I'm really worried about Rafe. Sarah taps me and I wake back to reality and I just agree. Not entirely sure what she said. Sarah messages John B telling him we are going to her house and she starts driving to Tannyhill. So I guess that's where we are going.

We get there and I see Rafe's bike and his Range Rover on the drive. So he is home? We go to her lounge and she puts on a movie. Normally if Rafe heard people aka us downstairs he would instantly come down but nothing. I keep looking to the stairs to see if he is coming down.
"Hey S you okay?" Sarah asks. I nod.
"Yeah, yeah I'm ok."
"You sure, you seem distracted?"
"No I'm ok. I'm just going to go to the bathroom." I get up from the sofa and head up the stairs. I walk down to the bottom of the corridor. Rafe's door is slightly open so I peak through.

This is the toxic side of Rafe. I also do not own this scene, some of it is from the show)

He's pacing back and forth, his hands stroking through his hair. Then wiping his face. He keeps mumbling something to himself. He reaches into the back pocket of his jeans and he pulls out a small plastic bag. He sits down opening it. His hands shaking uncontrollably. He pours powder from the bag to the desk as he pushes it into lines. He snorts one up so I storm in grabbing the bag.

"What the fuck are you doing Rafe?" He gets up from his chair.
"What are you doing? Give it back to me." He reaches out to get the bag so I move my hand backwards.
"Give it back." He pushes me to the desk and grips hard onto my wrist.
"Give. It. To. Me." He says. His grip got tighter and tighter. I ended up letting go because well he was hurting me. He stares me down and he walks a few feet away. His back facing me.

"What is your problem Rafe?" I feel tears welling up in my eyes. My wrist feels sore like as if Rafe's hand is still gripping it.
"You know what my problem is? I got a girlfriend who acts controlling and all jealous and like everything evolves around her. You don't own me, alright?" He says grabbing the knife that was on the table. He starts pacing back and forth. He starts walking towards me, the knife still in his hand. I'm fighting back the tears. His face is all sweaty and his eyes are just gone. It's like there's no person behind them.

"God what's wrong with you huh? Can't face the reality? The truth? Well here it is darling, I don't do relationships alright. So your all acting in love when I don't love you. Me and you? It's all just bullshit. I can't deal with it all anymore so just go ok I don't want you here and I don't want you." He says in a harsh tone. The tears just stream from my eyes.
"This is all just the coke talking. You don't mean it." I say. He rolls his eyes.
"Just listen alright," He taps the side of my head with the knife which I flinch at.
"Just go." He points to the door. I stare at him for a couple seconds before walking out.

I've never felt more scared of Rafe as I did just now. I felt like I was going to throw up. I have no idea who that person was but that wasn't Rafe. My Rafe.

I slowly start walking down the stairs. I reach the bottom and I go to the lounge.
"I'm sorry guys I think I'm gonna go home. Tell the guys I'm sorry too." I say before running out. I get out the gates and I just drop to the floor and breakdown. I collect myself and get up to see Rafe stood on the balcony looking out. I walk home. I kept reminiscing what just happened with Rafe.

I get home and go to my room, I drop to my bed and I just break down to tears. Was that the real Rafe? Was my Rafe the fake one?