Climax - Woosang

8.

The sun was way too bright today, burning his retina as soon as he stepped foot outside. He hadn't been able to sleep all night, Seonghwa's message flashing in his mind over and over until he finally broke down and decided to leave early for work.

As always, it had only taken five minutes to choose his outfit, a simple white shirt under a beige cardigan, and loose pants. He knew full well he wouldn't go out tonight anyway. Somehow, the last party had taken a toll on him, and he really wasn't in the mind space to let anyone in so soon.

To be completely honest, Yeosang never felt guilty. He never thought he would feel the need to justify his actions to anyone, despite how much he could have hurt them. He was just living, doing his best to survive without giving in to the fierce need to give up, why should anyone care? Why should he feel bad for something that had nothing to do with anyone, himself aside?

And yet; he had replayed the last events in his mind over and over again, endlessly, until all he could think about were those wide brown eyes, waves of deception and pain overtaking any trace of light in them. He had left Wooyoung feeling so proud, so sure he would never have to see that annoying brat ever again. Was the universe against him? Why the fuck had he been awake all night, turning and turning in his bed until he was all tangled up in the sheets, overthinking over a guy he hated with all he had? Feeling so fucking bad because he might have hurt him?

Why the fuck did he care?

Nothing made sense. He was so confused, and the only person he managed to blame it on was that tiny, loud son of a bitch named Wooyoung.

The only thing he was now sure of was that he definitely should have taken his sunglasses because the sun was no joke. He left his crappy neighbourhood to wander around town, looking straight toward him as he walked, never giving up on his confident look as he met the eyes of several men on his path.

He loved to be loved. Loved to see those men's thoughts flying above their heads, always so obvious as to what their intentions were; he was aware of it, and not once was he wrong in his assumptions. He knew exactly which men were safe for a one-night stand, and which ones would be annoying pieces of shit begging him to go on a date first. He hated those dudes and revelled in seeing the look on their faces after he turned them down.

After all these years spent analysing these men, learning from his mistakes -because yeah, he made his fair share of them-, you would have thought that nobody could disrupt him. And yet, when he looked at Wooyoung at that party, and later when he stared right into his eyes before leaving, he saw nothing. No intention, neither good nor bad, no filthy thoughts, nothing. Wooyoung was just... watching.

His steps led him to a cafe, and after considering it for a few seconds, he decided he had time for breakfast. He wasn't used to eating in the morning, making a habit of just taking his thermos to work and figuring it out during the day -a bad habit, sure, but a habit nonetheless. He sat at a small table on the terrace, right under the cool shade of a tree and ordered an iced latte and a blueberry muffin. He was hoping he could just spend some time alone, pretend not to be who he was; live five minutes away from his life and catch a glance at everything that could be... his.

He usually avoided those situations, unwilling to face the fact that he could never be as happy as he once was. It was just not for him, and there was no use reminiscing the past uselessly. He would just end up facing regrets.

As a couple walked down the pavement though, he wondered, for the first time in years, what it could be like. What it would feel like for his hand to be held that way. Would he wake up with a smile on his face every morning if there was someone in his bed, snuggling in his chest as soon as he moved to start the day? Or would he actually be annoyed to have someone in his space every minute of every day?