"Life gets a little crazy when your country's constitution is written on only tortilla chips."
Muppets. Light-less lightbulbs. Mayor Mr. Darcy. Victorian English. Musketeers. Men allowed only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Orthodontists. "Circle, Circle...
Hear ye, hear ye. Thou art listening to the decree of Queen Darb and her rascal musketeers.
The First Constitution of the Monarchy of Odonta (4th of April, 0000)
1.) We are a parliamentary monarchy
2.) Our people are known as Orthodontists.
3.) Once a year, there will be a Lottery. For more information, please read the short story, "The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson. Participation is mandatory. Failure to participate will result in ex-communication and banishment to Siberia.
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4.) Our only force of security is our band of musketeers. All musketeers must be female and between the ages of 4 and 31 sans the age 18. For when all musketeer women turn 18, they must attend a mandatory year abroad at Miss Piggy's Academy for Badass Women, where they will receive an oddly specific superhuman ability.
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5.) Men are allowed within the country but only on Tuesdays and Fridays. Exceptions to this rule are rare, but when applied, they will only apply to Mayor Fitzwilliam Darcy, Hozier (our royal court troubadour), under 25 Leonardo DiCaprio, and Lightning McQueen. Any violation of this rule will result in the male perpetrator serving a year of community service in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory (operational only on Tuesdays and Fridays).
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6.) Mayor Fitzwilliam Darcy is my second in command and will rule on male-allowed days of the week. On the other days of the week, his s/o Elizabeth Bennet will take his place.
7.) There is only ever to be a single road in the entire country.
8.) There are many people banned from the country. Including but not limited to Zac Efron, Zayn Malik, Napoleon, Judge Judy, Wendy Williams, Jake Gyllenhall, Peppa Pig, all of the United States of America's political figures, Mr. Collins, every King George, and the entire British Royal Family except Princess Diana, Ellen Degeneres, and that Emily in Paris chick. (If you or a loved one believe you have reason to qualify for the banned list—please sign up at your local library. You can find any of our liaisons in the kids' section between the memoirs and the Percy Jackson series.)
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9.) The dominant industry in Odonta is LUNCH. Lunch is an important cultural practice and we typically have at least 6 lunches a day.
10.) Our currency is written Haikus.
11.) We participate in Daylight SPENDING Time.
12.) Only Old English and Very Exageratted French are to be spoken.
All of these rules I, Mademoiselle Este Harkness, convey on behalf of Queen Darb. Queen Darb has ultimate rule over this country and will change the rules however she sees fit.
