Anything But Rhythmic

Hope It Isn't Me Who's Left Behind

Note: Hey beautiful people. Thanks to everyone who decided this story was worth reading <3

You can thank @voidpottah for encouraging me to go through with writing and posting this. I really hadn't expected to get moving with this story yet.

And @1ipod2 for saying they wanted this 😉

title comes from "if we were vampires" by jason isbell

Darby is six, and Cadence is eight.

Hope It Isn't Me Who's Left Behind

"How old is Papa, Daddy?"

Dean looked down at Darby with his eyebrows raised in surprise. "Why do you ask?"

Darby shrugged and skipped along the sidewalk, his hand in Dean's. His features were drawn in as he thought. "Well, when you had your birthday a little bit ago, Uncle Sam told me that you're 42 now."

"That's right," Dean said, secretly plotting revenge against his brother for revealing his age to anyone. Maybe he'd tell Cade how old her dad was.

"And Papa's even older than you. Right?"

"Yeah, buddy, Papa's older than me."

"How much older? A lot, or a little?" Darby stepped carefully over a crack in the sidewalk. He didn't have a mother whose back could be broken if he were to step on a crack in error, but he had an Aunt Delphia who he didn't want to see get hurt.

"Papa's an angel, buddy, so age kinda works differently for him. It's complicated."

"I can understand," Darby said. "I'm six now, Daddy."

"I know, Darby, but it's... it's something you might wanna ask Papa directly, okay?"

Darby shrugged agreeably. "Okay," he accepted. "But can I ask you somethin' else?"

"Course you can, Anklebiter." Dean mussed his son's hair and then grabbed his small hand again. "Anything."

Darby looked thoughtful again as he stepped strategically across a very damaged, cracked area of the sidewalk. "If I'm a neph'lem, then does my age go different too?"

"Sort of," Dean replied. "See, you're going to age like a human. But you may live longer than most people do." His chest suddenly grew tight. One day Dean would die, and Cas and Darby would be left to live without him for years. Maybe decades or... or centuries. Would they forget about him? Would they be okay without him?

"So... So does that mean I'm gonna live longer than Cadence?"

"Darby, this stuff isn't something you need to worry about, alright?" Dean tried. He pointed at the playground up ahead. "Hey, look, there's your cousin."

Darby perked up, his blue eyes brightening with excitement. He dashed ahead when Dean let go of his hand, small feet pounding carelessly over the cracked squares of the sidewalk. "Caaaade!" he called as he jumped over the short curb to get onto the sand-covered playground.

Dean watched as little Cadence came down one of the slides with a bright smile on her face. Her hair was in two long brown braids, and she had a yellow sundress on. She ran for Darby, and the two of them hugged tightly. They'd seen each other just that morning, but those two were best friends, and they hugged all the time.

Dean followed along more slowly, stepping calmly over the curb and onto the sandy ground. "Hey, Cas," he greeted with a contented expression. Every time he returned to this man, he felt somehow calmer and safer than when they were apart. It was a feeling he'd longed for throughout most of his life. And Cas provided it for him as easy as if it were nothing at all.

"How was he?"

Dean answered Cas' question with a brief but affectionate kiss on the lips and then sat down on the arm of the park bench. They both looked out at Darby as he started up a game of tag with his cousin. "He was great. Not a single cavity, which is a first for him."

Cas had a serious look about him, and Dean wondered where it was coming from. Then he remembered that this was Castiel he was thinking about, and odds were good that he wasn't worried about anything but just looked serious anyway, or that he was worried about everything and therefore talking would be of no help.

"What are you worried about?" Castiel asked suddenly.

Dean frowned, but he answered honestly. It still startled him when Cas read him so easily. He was used to having his feelings neglected and ignored. Or maybe he was used to shoving them down before they had time to be seen. But Cas was so quick and caring, and Dean found himself becoming more and more comfortable feeling all these little emotions around him.

"Darby asked me something on the way over here."

Cas looked over, his head tilted in question. "What did he ask you?"

"How old you are. I didn't know what to tell him," Dean confessed. "I wanted to tell him the truth, but I don't know if he'll understand. It's not like most people's parents are billions of years apart in age."

"But angels age differently than humans, Dean, you know this."

"Yeah, and that's what I told him, but I didn't know if he could understand it all the way, you know? I don't wanna confuse him." Dean ran a hand over his short hair and breathed out heavily. "That's not even it, Cas. It's just... the whole conversation got me thinking. One day... one day I'm gonna die. Before you and Darby. And you'll keep living for who knows how long and..."

"You're worried I'll stop loving you?" Cas guessed. "Or that Darby will? Dean, that's ludicrous."

Dean's eyes widened a bit in surprise. "Tell me what you really think, Cas."

"I'm sorry, Dean. But I can't understand why you still don't believe that you're worthy of our love and devotion." Cas shook his head, clearly frustrated. "Darby and I will live to be older than you, of course, but we will never forget you. You're his father. You are the love of my life."

Dean looked away, clenching his jaw tightly. He nodded, blinking several times in rapid succession. Then he looked back at Cas. "Where's Sammy?" he asked, the smoothest of subject changes.

"He and Delphia went for a walk. They're just getting coffee. They'll return soon."

"Hope they bring us back some caffeine," Dean murmured and stuck his hands in the pockets of his jacket. He met Cas' eyes when he felt them on him. "What?" he asked innocently.

Cas looked confused and maybe a little concerned. "You're sitting on the wrong part of the bench," he said seriously.

Dean snerked and raised his hands in surrender, "Sorry, man, I didn't realize we were following the rules of society all of a sudden." He stood up and sat down on Cas' other side on the actual seat of the bench.

To his surprise, he'd only just sat down when Cas stood up.

"What are you doin'?" he asked.

Cas sat down on the armrest where Dean had just been. He didn't look comfortable. In fact, he was sitting awkwardly and there was no way in hell that he wasn't in at least a marginal amount of pain. "I am refusing to follow the rules of society."

Dean slowly smiled. "I love you," he said.

Cas looked very pleased. "I love you too, Dean," he said with a sort of knowing smile.

End