Too Far From God

Never Ending Screaming

TW: Rape (nothing graphic), abuse, drugs, alcohol, panic attacks, mentions of sex, crying, screaming, religion, relgious guilt
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Ranboo had gone home the next day. They had to. Xe wishes they could stay longer with Tommy and Tubbo though. Xe walks home slowly after school, dreading the moment they stepped in the trailer park.

Xe could tell their mom didnt care xe had left. The house was a mess, there were two syringes on the table. Everything smelled of drugs and sex. As it often did in this trailer.

They used to have a house, but when Ranboo was 6 they had to sell it and move into a trailer in the trailer park. At the time, their mother had told xem that it was temporary, that she was going to buy them a huge mansion. It had been a lie. She had blew a ton of money on drugs in the past two years and couldn't keep up with the mortgage and bills anymore, she could still barely afford their cheap trailer.

Ranboo looked around the trailer, she wasnt home, probably meeting her dealer or getting high or drunk at a bar with whatever gorilla she was currently calling her boyfriend.

They sat on xer too-small mattress, they saw the bible sitting on the shelf. No matter what happened saturday night, xer mother always managed to get up at 7am every sunday and make Ranboo do the same before they went to church together.

Church. The place where they'd shout about demons and Hell and how Gods people are better. Gods people? How can some guy in the clouds dictate everyone? Tell everyone to love each other and not judge people but look down on and mistreat and punish people who were going to Hell. People like Ranboo, who used they/xe pronouns. Who is neither woman or man. Who doesnt want to ever have sex. Not ever again. Not after the first time.

They realized xe was screaming and sobbing. They were vigorously picking at and scratching xer arms, picking at scabs and making new marks. Only crying harder when the blood bubbled up to the surface.

They screamed for hours until xe heard the door open. It was probably one or two in the morning. They covered xer mouth. They couldnt make any noise.

Xe heard a slurred giggle and the sound of a mans boots. From the thin curtains seperating Ranboos room from the main area, they could see a man and xer mom touching each other, still wearing clothes. They sniffle, and immediately regret it when two heads snap up to look in xer direction.

"What the hell was that?" The mans gruff voice comes, slurred due to whatever addiction they had previously been indulging in.

"Thats probably just my bratty son. He wont bother us. Come on. Lets keep going Hector," Julie brushes off. Ranboo tries to ignore the sting from the masculine terms.

"I think i'd like to meet the boy, perhaps we could have some fun," Ranboo could practically hear the smirk.

They didnt want to have fun with this man. Xe wanted to sleep. They wanted Tubbo. Tubbo would make it better. And Tommy. Tommy would help too. Xe needed Tubbo and Tommy. They needed xer friends.

Ranboo just kept thinking about their friends as it happened. It hurt. But xe'd get through it. For Tubbo and Tommy. But they can never know. They'd make Ranboo move in with Tommy, they couldnt leave xer mom. They couldnt. Xe wouldnt.

It lasted for two hours. They didnt know why xe deserved this. Was God punishing them? Is this how God showed his wrath? Ranboo had tried so hard to live by the bible. But xe failed, so God decided to punish them. Xe deserved to be punished. Its so simple to live by the bible, dont do bad things, be kind, etc. And yet they failed. Miserably.

It was five am when Hector left, xer mom was sleeping off her high on the couch. Ranboo quickly grabbed their phone and dmed Tubbo.

Bo? U up?

Yea, whats up Bossguy?

Cant tell just need u

Meet @ the tree

K

Ranboo turned off xer phone and put on their shoes. Xe limped to the tree. It was their spot. Just the three of them and the tree. No danger.

When they arrived, Tubbo was sitting in the treehouse they'd built 3 years ago, it was big. There was a pile of blankets and a mattress on the floor, in case one of them needed to escape for the night.

"Boo? Hey, whats wrong?" Tubbo immediately jumped up from his spot, criss cross on the wooden floor when Ranboo entered, xer face covered in tears and their clothes disheveled.

"Bo, oh Bo, im sorry I just needed to get out but I couldnt be alone and I knew that-"

"Hey, hey, Boo, its alright, just breathe with me, ok?" Tubbo cut xem off and began taking exaggerated breaths for Ranboo to copy. They tried and failed and began crying again.

"Im sorry, im sorry im a failure and a disappointment-"

"No, your not, lets try again ok? Take your time, its alright." Tubbo comforted, rubbing circles into the taller's back.

Eventually Ranboo caught xer breath.

"Whats got you so worked up Bossguy?" Tubbo asks gently.

"I.. Its nothing, I just.. I just overreacted, im sorry," Ranboo said.

"Boo, texting me at 5am with no reason, and having a panic attack that lasts an hour and a half, thats not nothing, whats on your mind? Please?" Tubbo pushes, clearly worried.

"Look, the suns rising," Ranboo evades again, moving to sit on the porch of the treehouse, their legs dangling off the edge, Tubbo sits next to xem.

"Ranboo plea-" Tubbo started.

"Just not now Tubbo! Not now," Ranboo interrupted, clearly frustrated. Tubbo didnt say anything, only resting his head on their shoulder. In response Ranboo rested xer head on Tubbos and grabbed his hand. They sat there at 6 30am and watched the sunrise.

The colors on the horizon are a strange blend that shouldnt work, but it does. A messy type of perfection. Just like them. Two messed up kids from two messed up homes, who shouldnt be so close, when the whole world seems to be trying to tear them apart. Like the blue overtaking the beautiful colors. But they always come back. No matter what.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Its 1000 words, feast my children. Ill post again sometime soon! Take care of yourselves kiddos!