Hey...
I know it has been a while since the last time we talked about what happened. I just need to know some things and forgive me for starting off harsh but here we go.
Do you hate me?
Do you regret our relationship as much as I do?
Do you ever wish that we never got close?
Do you know what it is like? Trying to be the better person but trauma and pain flood back in as you try to grow and forgive and forget but your trauma wont allow it?
Are you able to understand where I am coming from?
Are you able to understand the many things you have done to me and the things you did unintentionally?
Are you able to understand that I don't hate you?
Are you able to understand that I miss everything?
Are you able to see the hurt and understand the pain?
I want to know. Not that I expected you to fully get everything. But I just want to know...
Was our relationship a lie?
Were you playing me?
Did you intend to do all this on purpose?
Why?
Why?
Why does it hurt to think of you? Why does it hurt to try remembering the good times when nothing was falling apart all around us? Why is it impossible for me to forget you as I did with all the others? Why does it feel so bad like I am ripping apart my own body every time I think of our relationship ?
I have so many questions. I have so many tears.
I have no more emotions. I can no longer feel happy. I can no longer feel sadness. I can no longer be angry. I am empty.
Why? I just want to understand how I can be the only one who feels this way! I honestly want to be dead. I honestly wish for my own death. Not because of you but what I allowed you to become.
Do you wish we never meet? Do you ever wish any of these things and the like?
Because I have. More than once and almost daily? I have even wished for you to be dead. I hate to admit it but I have.
Friend. Why.
How can you be so cold? How can you treat me so even after my sins have been admitted. How can you treat me with disgust? How can you tell people about me? How can you allow others to form an opinion about me and my character? How!! Just how!?
I want you to understand that I am in a daily battle trying to forgive. I am in a daily battle with everything. But are you? Please tell me,
Your old friend,
Jackie
YOU ARE READING
All that is broken
RomanceThis is the story of a young man who begins the healing process from an abusive relationship. He goes through an emotional rollercoaster of heartbreak, depression, healing, joy, laughter and love. "His new boss is kinda hot and is making eyes at Jac...
