Finding Louis {l.s}

3

Louis:

I don't know how long I've been staring at the wall. What I do know is someone's been knocking, probably for some time and it only just registers in my head. I know it must be Harry, that's the most likely option but that doesn't quell the instant fear that shoots through my bloodstream. If anything, I'm more afraid. Simon never knocked. He went around like he owned everything and everyone... I was once attracted to that little trait of his. Then he owned me and I realised being his wasn't at all what I'd imagined.

I squeeze my eyes shut when I feel memories resurface from the emotionless wall I've been struggling to keep up. Dragging myself reluctantly into the present, I manage to muster enough strength to say "come in" and put on a smile, paling when the giant shows with a tray of different baked goods.

"I... Hello, Harry."

"Hi, Lou. You look better." I don't know if he notices the nickname but I let it slide. Partly because I like how he says my name. His voice is something I've never heard before and I almost feel honoured. My mind admonishes me for these thoughts, although it really ought to be admonishing itself for having them. The tray is placed at my side and I realise I've blanked out again.

"Sorry," I mutter with embarrassment. He doesn't seem to mind, his voice gentler when he locks eyes with me.

"Have you been crying?" I wonder how he does it. I worked hard to cry as little as possible, to numb myself but some tears slipped past my defences. How does he know? Why won't he stop looking at me? Why won't I stop looking at him? Our eyes are locked silently, his green searching while I hope to God there's enough strength in my blue to hide my desire to breakdown, once again. He brought me food. My ex wouldn't have be caught dead taking care of me like this. His friends are so lucky to have him. He's so, so kind.

"Louis... Are you okay?" He touches my shoulder and I shrink back, the connection between us abruptly cut off. My eyes are on my thighs now and I don't move another inch. It is strange to be gazed at by someone who is worried. It hasn't happened to me in so long and it makes me realise I am displaying too much of myself. I should be able to take care of it. I've kept my own self alive the past decade even though I didn't want to, I can do so again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, I just- I'm just going to get right to the point. Do you need help, Louis?"

Help? What on earth is that supposed to mean? My mind whispers cutting little remarks as I glare at my laps. Weak, pathetic, useless. I'd bloody fainted and then one little touch and I'm run like a fucking mouse. Why wouldn't he think I was unwell?

"If you're asking me if I need to go to the nuthouse, nah, mate. M fine." I try to make myself sound as cool as possible. I pray he buys it. I just want to be left alone but he's been so kind and I'm tired of acting like a dick just to scare him away.

I'm tired of everything.

"No, course not. You seem of sound mind to me. I just... If you need to talk about anything, I'm here, alright? But umm... Not tonight. You eat up. We can discuss things tomorrow."

"But this is your bed-"

"Good night, Louis." I huff and he smiles slightly, revealing his perfect pretty teeth. Is there really nothing wrong with this man? Must he be so flawless? The worst thing is he acts so lovely as a person, too. It makes me feel even more wary. I've learnt not to trust sweet people the most. They tend to have the worst intentions, spoken from experience.

I have to keep running. It's all that spins about in my mind. Harry is just a distraction. This little town is just a big complication and I'll make my way out, soon enough. Tomorrow.

Perhaps I can make a break for it when dawn breaks. Surely, I'll be able to find some way to fix the car. Surely, I can find a way to escape without help from him or his terrifying friends. I can't let him find me. I won't. I have to keep going until I can't stop, otherwise I'm going to remember how desperately I miss him and his touch and his cruelty and then it will be back to square one, but worse.