Finding Louis {l.s}

13

Louis:

"So... Magic away my eating issues, Styles. Work your faggacious magic." He arches a brow at me and I giggle softly, waving him away. "Sorry lovey, I meant... Rainbow magic?"

"You... Git," he mumbles gently, kissing my temple. He leaves for a while and I stay still in the floor, willing my thoughts to leave. Weirdly enough, not all of them are bad. Leaving Simon will forever be the best decision I've ever made and the ease with which I've started to see how insane my time was with him is proof. My roommate returns with paper and a pen and I aww quietly because whatever he wants to do, he's utterly adorable while deeply concentrated. "What's that look for?"

"Nothing. You're just pretty. Carry on."

"Ah- right... I just thought... Uhm... Okay. I wanted to make a list? One column will be your safe foods; the ones that you find it easiest to eat."

"Ooh. Yoghurt is number one there. I figured that out cos of you so thanks for that, my knight."

"Don't distract me with pet names, I haven't even done anything. This is just the start. We can also do a list of foods in the yellow zone... The ones you feel like you'd be able to eat but haven't tried, yet. And then we can put some in the red zone... For now. What you absolutely just can't take. Just so we don't go overboard and trigger you off the bat."

"Wow. How sexy. My doctor is prepared, ladies and gentlemen!"

"Louis, take this seriously, I-" he clamps his mouth shut, tearing up again and I panic. Crap, what did I do?!

"Sorry, sorry, I'm sorry... I don't mean to be silly like this! I'm just surprised at how prepared you are. Have you been doing research or summat? Was I really that obvious?"

"Uh... No, not exactly. No, this is just... What I tried to do when my err... My sister...?" He clears his throat and I sit up, tugging him back against me when he tries to get up. He laughs a bit while I ogle at his chest through his mostly unbuttoned floral shirt, ripping my brain away from the desire to tear it to pieces and free the yummy goods. Man boobs are life. Especially Harry's. Goddamn. And I'm getting off track. Shit. "You didn't hear that, did you?"

"I did too. So... Talk to me about it? If you want to, of course?"

"I... I don't want to take our focus away from where we are now," he says quickly. But I can hear from the strain in his voice that he wants to say it and stay quiet, hoping he'll take the bait.

"When our dad died... It was kinda crazy, you know? Heh. Everyone kind of faced things in their own way. We would've come together as a family but it felt like he'd taken the family with him when he left. So we... All put up walls. Kept distance. Until I found my sister laying on the floor in her bedroom one day, barely breathing because she hadn't had any food for so long. Even small bites.

"I know from experience how grief can make it impossible to live at all but... But you can understand how hard it was for me... I was just a kid. I was barely taking care of myself after what happened and then there was that. It was just the most horrifying, terrifying years of my life. I learnt all sorts of new recipes in the hopes that she would open herself up to keeping her body fed but it had consumed her, already. And it took so much to get her to the point she was when I left. Struggling but... Much better. It got better. I never thought it would. So... Err, I've got experience with this sort of thing. That's why I'm the most qualified man for the job; just leave it to me and I'll help the best I can."

I imagine young Harry desperately trying to wake his unconscious sister, searching for the perfect dish she would finally crave, loving someone who couldn't find it in her heart to love herself enough to simply eat something. I don't want him doing the same for me but he looks at me like he would gladly do it all again. In a heartbeat. I decide not to think too hard about the pain I'm putting him through so I don't drown myself right this minute.