Shit. Fuck. Your Smile Is Cute Tho.

art?

I love art. I make art. Art is everywhere. I feel like art is in language and maybe food as well. I'm not feeling like talking about food tho. Fuck food...

Art is in clothes and obviously art is on paper and canvas. Art is on the corners of my note book when I don't feel like studying. Art is inside of my sketchbook when I feel like I want to escape reality.

Sometimes i feel like my art isn't real. Art can be a way of expressing yourself. I try to. But i simply just have no idea who I am. Whenever I flip through my sketchbook all I can see is the thing that I am not.

I'm not the art that I make. My art sometimes feels like a mask. I try so hard to make my art look like something. I try to make myself feel something while creating it. But i feel like I'm building my own jail..

For every single thing that I create I feel like I'm building a wall. Higher and higher. I can't escape anymore. I'm stuck between te walls that I've created while making the art that I am not.

I feel stuck. But i can't stop.

Because what if I'm lying to myself. What if the art that I create IS actually me. But i just can't see it.

What if the art that is making me feel so lonely and so fake. What if the art that makes me feel like I have a mask on... Is actually me?

I hate art.

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I don't feel like art. I feel like a useless human being. Just trying to survive on this floating piece of rock.

I want to feel like art. I want to feel like what i can see. The colors, the shapes, the reality, the abstract. Art is so unreal. The feeling of art can make me feel miserable.

But sometimes when I look at art i feel like I'm flying or falling.. like I'm dreaming or dying.. it gives me the great feeling of being loved or like I'm alone.. it hurts. But it can hurt pretty good sometimes.

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I want to breathe art in. I want to swim in it. I want to hold it forever. But i also want to throw it on the floor and jump on it. I want to scream to it that it's gross. FUCK YOU.

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