Tevun-Krus #99 - BDO

Smith & Jones

The mind-boggling adventures of

Smith & Jones

An Episode by CarolinaC

The barren, dusty surface extended on to the horizon, and probably past it. In all the vast expanse, there was only the endlessly blue sky, a surface of crusted, yellow earth, and a single object – a black rectangular prism standing upright, silhouetted against the sun. 

That is to say, there was only a single object until something – changed. The air began to shimmer, first subtly, then more enthusiastically, points of bright light resolving themselves into an orange circle of light, floating in the air, about as far from the ground as a tall man's chin. Inside the orange circle was a blue deeper than the sky, that rippled and pooled like a frantic ocean. Suddenly, a ripple passed across the blue, and three people fell from the orange circle onto the dust. The circle brightened, then disappeared. 

Now, the prism was no longer alone; in front of it was a tangled pile of three people. One of these people was a woman. She was tall, had long, red hair, and wore knee-high boots. Her name was Kris. Two of these people were men. The man with fair hair, muttonchop whiskers, and diamond cufflinks was named Jones. The main with dark hair, a monocle, and a confused expression on his face was named Smith. All three were wearing unflattering jumpsuits with yellow-and black, horiztonal stripes, and all three were covered in a slightly-sticky substance that smelled both like honey and like a wine cellar. 

The prism began to buzz as the three people began to untangle themselves. The buzz began to become louder, and more complex – what had started as a single sine wave began to develop overtones and harmonies. By the time Kris and Jones were on their feet – Smith still sprawled in the dust – what had been a buzz had become a piece of music, albeit an ominous one, where patterns appeared only to shrink into discordance and new patterns to form in the sound.

Smith looked up. 

"What is that huge object?" He asked, "And why is it playing dramatic music?"

"I do not know," Kris said, "And, right now, I do not care. I am covered – covered – in poor-quality mead from our last adventure, the Writers did not even bother to get us new outfits for this story, and that so-called dramatic music is incredibly annoying! Wait, maybe I do care! Maybe if I knock that stupid prism down, the noise will stop!"

"Wait," Jones said, grabbing her arm, "What if that - obelisk? - obelisk is part of our mission from the Writers?"

"In which case, our mission is probably to make the noise stop," Kris said, petulantly.

Smith was on his feet by now, looking around uneasily. It was true that, whatever genre of story they happened to visit, they had a mission. Usually they had to help someone, or solve a problem; that's how they all ended up covered in mead, after helping some giant, anthropomorphic bees with a honey problem. But this place was empty – as far as the eye could see, in every direction, there was nothing but blue sky, yellow dust, and that infernal prism. 

"I say," Smith offered, "I think Miss Kris might be right."

Jones looked disappointed. "But – but I am sure I have heard this music before. Something to do with Nietzsche? Or Zoroastrianism?"

"Nietzsche," Smith pointed out, "was not a musician, nor a Zoroastrian, so far as I know."

"Strauss, maybe, then?" offered Jones.

"The waltz dude?" Asked Kris. "If you think that's a waltz, you've gone deaf, Jones, old pal."

"I suppose you're right," Jones admitted, as the strange music continued. After a moment he acquiesced. "Fine," he said, "But maybe we can find a way to turn it off without damaging it?

Kris rolled her eyes, but marched up to the prism. She took a deep breath. 

Smith and Jones both watched as she reached out a sticky hand. She hesitated for a moment, then, with a small, determined grunt, placed her hand on the prism.

Nothing happened.

And then everything did. 

The experience was something like an explosion; the music grew as loud as cannon blasts, the light of the sun became blindingly, intensely orange, so much so that the three adventurers were forced to close their eyes.

Just as sudden, they found themselves in a dark, quiet, place. All three were lying, with their eyes closed, on a floor with a rough, institutional carpet. 

"Oh!" a familiar voice said.

Kris opened her eyes to find herself face-to-face with an old friend- the sentient, orange circle with a space scene emblazoned in its middle and the word "Ooorah!" written on it. Unlike the last time she had met this odd creature, however, this time it was wearing a hat. The hat was a red-and-white-striped cardboard cone, like some humans would wear at a small child's birthday party. On the very top of the hat, at the tip of the cone, was a small sign. It read "100!"

"I'm glad you made it,' the Ooorah! avatar said. "You're just in time for the party."