Somewhere near home.

Part 4 : Under The Influence.

I always Imagine myself telling you about how I have handled my feelings towards you, how I stayed up all night, how I used to cry myself to sleep, how I over complained about how much it hurts to my best friend, how many nights I have prayed. I cried, I faked laughing and laughed with tears in my eyes, none of them were out of joy..

How pathetic, needy, weepy and stupid you made me feel.. How confused, lost, and in love I was..
My feelings for you in a couple of months were unbelievable, humongous and just unbearable, wasn't I loyal enough to my last I don't know how many years relationship? Why am I even comparing ?.

I am still telling you about all of this in my head over and over until it's literally over, hopefully .. Until I literally tell you about it in real life, I still tell you everything happens in my day as I used to do and feel every feeling have ever been felt.. I still send you pictures for whatever that reminds me of you. I still, I still, I still do it all.. In my head.

I have experienced several types of pain, near you, away from you as well..
Near was the sweet pain, the sweetest, just like the pain of getting up early in the morning, a cold morning, forcing yourself to shower and go to college to meet your friends, or to work to meet your colleagues.. Like giving up one of your favourite piece of cloth because it's no longer your size or  there's someone who needs it more than you do.. Too sweet like a candy for a baby's fragile teeth, and a cheesecake for a supermodel!

Away, was in a Form of liquid as in tears, solid as in headaches, gas as in my evaporated thoughts..
It was bitter but better than the sweet pain which is filled with peace tucked in your voice and hope within your words, but you know me I prefer your brown eyes bitter like my coffee, I don't want a sugar cube but I would love to see your smile, maybe your eyes again with a touch of sunlight to add some honey!

Shame on my words! They freaked out knowing I was talking about you, they even started to fade away, sentences became words became letters, letters became blank papers, ink became tears and we had to shut down the post office..
What do I tell you now? Or is it a sign to keep telling you everything in my head? My words have escaped, should or shouldn't I be unhappy?

  There's this question that I have been asking myself over and over, actually Bob Marley have been asking it over and over I was just repeating the lyrics in my head endlessly, yet I don't have any Idea what the answer would be,
Is this love that I am feeling?

I can't deny how Afraid I am of what comes after this question mark, That's why I ended up singing the rest of the song..

I wanna love you, and treat you right..
EVERY DAY AND EVERY NIGHT.

But I have thrown all my cards on your table..