Filina couldn’t answer any of the words Carmen spat out, so she just ran out.
It was only the first class. She resented Carmen for talking recklessly, even though he didn’t know her very well.
Did she have it easy all this time?
Was she being too easy-going when she proudly proclaimed that she would learn swordsmanship to avoid death?
Was there no sense of urgency?
Filina’s steps slowed as she walked back to the practice field. Class was probably over anyway, and Carmen probably wouldn’t be back.
She clenched her fists quietly. Her heart beat wildly. Her chest throbbed.
She didn’t know why it was so hard when all she wanted to do was live an ordinary life like the rest of the people.
It was then that she felt someone approaching where she was. She raised her head to see who it was.
His black hair was neatly arranged, reflecting the sunlight. The mask that hid his white face well and the expressionless lips that made it hard to tell what he was thinking stood out.
“The class is over.”
Leon studied her condition and spoke with an elaborate voice.
“…… Are you okay?
A vain smile crossed Filina’s lips at his cautious question.
‘Am I okay?’
‘No, I’m not okay at all.’
How can she be okay, someone who didn’t know her well had ignored all her previous efforts at once.
Filina lowered her head, biting her lower lip.
Frustratingly, she felt like she was going to burst into tears at his every question.
She was fine before Leon came.
She didn’t want to be a weak person.
It was a life that had been repeated as many as five times. Every time she died, she had only one thought.
“I want to be strong.”
These were the last words she spat out when she chose to commit suicide in her fourth life.
It was just a faded will, fluttering in the air. It was a foolish wish that looked at hope in the face of death right in front of her.
“Did the Vice Commander scold you a lot?”
Leon took another step closer to her, trying to make out Filina’s face. However, she only backed away as Leon approached.
“When I was young….”
Filina spoke with a pained expression.
“I had a friend who was very close to me.”
“…A friend?
“Yes. He was the only friend I could open up to. He was like a ray of light that made me forget this bloody reality, even if only for a moment.”
She regretted having held hands with the rebels in her past life. But if she didn’t shake their hands, would she still be alive today?
She could say with confidence that if she didn’t meet Leon in her third life, she wouldn’t have the confidence she had now.
Maybe shewould be living a life that was uprooted and broken, committing suicide countless times.
From time to time, Filina would live with the memories of the Guild as her support.
