Parallel lives [COMPLETE] [BXB]

Chapter 41

#ILLUSION

When Numa arrived home, his meal was prepared in the kitchen in a container still warm. He slowly opened and the spicy aroma filled his senses. Instantly he realized, he was not hungry. His stomach will not accept anything in that moment.

Suddenly the familiar sound of the television reached him from the living room. Probably his grandmother didnot hear him coming back. He turned his attention back to the food, pushed it aside. He would drink a glass of water and go to bed. He reached out to grab one from the small piece of furniture in front of him, his fingers located the cold material and clung to it.

He let out a sigh, what was he thinking? Why? It was all he could ask himself. If they were having such a greatmoment, why ask such a question? He just couldn't get it through his head.

"Idiot"

He muttered under his breath as he pulled his hand away, forgetting to pick up the glass. He looked at himself for a moment, still with his jacket on and open, while holding with his left hand the pullover with the T-shirt inside. Has he walked down the street like that?

"Idiot," he smacked his head with the palm of his hand, took off his jacket and sat down at the empty table.

"What should I do?" whispered.

He didn't want to admit it, but he saw disappointment in Lucas eyes and it has broken his heart in pieces. Disappointed? In what? What has he done? In all his 18 years he slept with about 50 guys, just a few fucks for his age, wasn't it actually depressing?

"I have to stop thinking", doing the math didn't help him at all but...Lucas' expression, the feeling of disillusionment was something that Numa could not be strong against.

It was idiotic, he repeated it over and over again but at the end of the day he felt that the only thing he ended up doing was, disappointing people.

"Agustín, what do I do?" whispered, sad.

What did he want to do? Right, drink some water. He went back to the cabinet to get a glass and then sat down again. What was he supposed to do? Has he overreacted? But he got hurt. Lucas pulled him away, like he was feeling disgust. He was overthinking everything and that didn't help.

If it bothered him so much, if he was so upset to know his boyfriend slept with so many people, then he should look for another one, it wouldn't be difficult for him. Besides, he had his cousin nearby, he could pay him a night visit whenever he wanted.

That thought made him even angrier. He raised his glass to his lips, but it was empty.

"Ah," he sighed, looking at the glass, "Fuck this. I'd better not drink anything".

What should I do? He asked himself again, but he knew, he wasn't going to let anyone look at him with disgust, he wasn't going to let anyone make him feel bad, certain things couldn't be changed. Deep down he was afraid that Lucas would never call him again and that he would really feel disgusted and that the relationship he ended in a moment of rage would never continue again.

"Numa," was grandma's voice, "Numa, honey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Grandma."

Grandma looked at the bowl full of food.

"Aren't you going to eat, honey? And put something on, you're going to get sick. It's winter."

"Yes, will do. I'm going to make a phone call, I'll be right back, Granma..."

Grandma looked at him worried, it has been a long time since she has seen that expression on his face, he looked so discouraged. What happened to him to be like that all of a sudden, he left the house so happy that day. She took the food out of the container to warm it up. She was preparing the table when Numa returned.
"Granma, no need to warm it up, I'm not going to eat."

"Numa, are you all right?"

No, he wasn't, the thought that maybe it was over, was filling his eyes with tears.

"Yes...I'm going to a classmate's, tomorrow is his birthday and we're going to celebrate it there, here's his phone number" he left a small piece of paper on the table "I'll be back on Sunday. I can, can't I?"

"Of course, you can, but you look so strange. You're not getting sick, are you?"

He looked at her for a few moments and then hugged her tightly, gave her a kiss, murmured love you and went to his room to prepare a small bag for the sleepover.

Eleonora missed Agustin as well, but certainly his grandchild was missing him much more in that moment. She felt like crying.

#Misundertandings

Lucas thought about the subject once again. He couldn't stop thinking, surely Numa never wanted to talk to him again. And he understood that, but he also hoped to be understood. He loved him so much, he was a dream for him, everything about him fascinated him, however, the fact that he has been with so many boys was something that made him a little bit backward.

Of course he still loved him, but 30? Or even 50? He could not imagine it, He came to think he was a special person for him, but, who would still think that after knowing his partner has slept with so many people? He felt that something was broken, something he had believed in. He heard many times, the boys who were dedicated to dancing in the locals had that reputation, however he thought Numa would be different from them but apparently he has been wrong, and got disappointed. Somehow he couldn't help to compare him with his cousin. No, that was not right.

It was about him considering his boyfriend a whore, but surely he couldn't say he had a hard yes, really.

For some reason he knew he had to apologize, but he didn't know exactly why, he hasn't insulted him, he just reacted same way anyone else would do, right? His answer just thrown him off, disturbed him, as it was acompletely different person who was sitting in front of him. He needed to get a moment, the situation became too uncomfortable.

However, he loved him, and didn't want to lose him over something like that, and if he wanted to get him back he had to apologize. Why, he hasn't done anything wrong.

He couldn't change how his body reacted to Numa's answer. He could not do anything else, he would have loved to pretend that everything was ok but he could not. He was unable to lie. He wanted to talk to him, he wanted to tell him how he felt, he wanted to explain to him that he wanted to stay with him. Would he even listen to him? He shouted that it was over, and maybe it was, maybe it really was over starting from that moment when his illusion was broken. No, they needed so much time to finally together to throw it all away in a few minutes.

The question was whether he could. As he saw Numa's expression of pleasure, he wondered how many people had seen it? Was it the same? Did he always react the same way? Maybe it was even a pose.

"Lucas, stop thinking nonsense," he said to himself as he shifted restlessly on the couch.

What should he do? He he had to go look for him, question remained if he could forget everything so easily, as if it had never happened. On the other hand, he could not forget about the incident with Giovanni, it could get dangerous for Numa, since he was not exactly the type to back down. And what if his cousin did something to him? He had to talk to Numa to tell him to be careful, although he could already imagine the young man's face. In subject of fights it would be almost impossible to make him to stay reasonable, besides he would not take it seriously.

Lucas was afraid, Giovanni could get quite twisted. He knew that he was spiteful and vindictive so he had to find a way to warn him, even if that meant to tell him everything what happened. What made him really nervous was the fact that his cousin has practically disappeared.

But he could not just call him and tell him that he wanted to warn him about Giovanni, it would sound like an excuse, and to be honest, it was one as well, since he was not as worried about his cousin as he was about the future of their relationship. What if Numa did not want to go back to him?

"Now, stop thinking Lucas, you're going to drive yourself crazy."