My Strange Addiction

Bitter memories

⚠️ TW: RAPE, ED, SH, SA, MANIPULATION, DEATH, ASSULT, ETC. ⚠️ 

I was miserable. 

Bitter really.

When I lost weight, my mom was so proud she started carrying my pictures in her purse, so relieved she could stop worrying about me dying from obesity and ruining her reputation. She said she was just so glad to finally see me taking care of myself.

She called me a success story... But I really just had an eating disorder. 

So when I went back to school after being gone for so long, people who I didn't know congratulated me. They were telling me I was finally getting healthy.

Girls at my school asked me how I did it. I said I was ill and they denied me my truth.

How could I not fall in love with my illness, with the body people dream of having?

I was approached by my so called 'boyfriend'.  I couldn't stand to look at him so I told him that I was breaking up with him and ran away.

Later on, I was pulled into an alleyway on my way home and threatened by him. Since I still wasn't mentally stable I went go on with the abuse.

Rumors about me spread around my school like an intentional wildfire. My friends did try to help but I pushed them all away, telling them I was fine. I always came into school hurt one way or another but I kept lying about what happened.

But I finally had enough when I became a senior. 

When I turned 17, I tried to end my life. 

I started by consuming drugs everyday and trying to overdose but It didn't work. I tried smoking and drinking away my mental and physical pain but it didn't help.

When I finally tried to slit my wrist one day, my childhood friend barged into my room and stopped me. 

He saw how bad my body had gotten, and he cried for me. No one had ever done that for me before. After going so long without telling someone what happened I bawled my eyes out.

I told him my story and showed him photos of each wound on my body from each time I was hurt. I'm not really sure what happened after that but since I was graduating early, I decided to keep this from my family since they were never really home anyway.

They wouldn't care no matter what I had told them.

I went to school after all that had happened, and heard that he was beat up by a group of men and almost killed, he also was shot in his dick.

Which was hilarious to me by the way, I laughed for the first time in a long time after hearing that. It didn't ease my pain but it was a good moment of satisfaction.

But to get back to how I know of this waterfall; I used to come here to clear my mind, at the top of the waterfall where that apple tree is at. One other person would always come and we'd just sit in silence which was enough, I guess we're good friends now though.

But that small sense of peace had disappeared when he found my little spot. 

He grabbed me by my hair and screamed that everything was my fault. He was saying something about my father doing something. But my dad had passed years before so I was confused.

In a moment of anger, he shoved me off of the cliff. The last thing I remember seeing was his from falling, but smiling because I could finally die, then the pain of hitting my head on a rock.