The King's Game With The Joker : Unordinary (Arlo x John) [Completed]

Chapter 14: BONUS CHAPTER 2

Note: This part takes place 1 month after Chapter 13, 5 years before the first bonus chapter

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Saying that him and John are fine now would be a big lie. Even if there is more clarity between their feelings, everything that happened before them still can't be dismissed.

They're not dating. But, they can't be labeled as friends either.

Their views still didn't aligned, and there are still a lot of things for them to work on and improve. John still had a lot of issues, and Arlo isn't really a better man than he is.

Ambushing John and betraying his friendship was already wrong of him. But, when he took advantage of John's innocence and his protectiveness when it comes to Seraphina, it was more than just wrong.

The guilt was eating him everyday. When he touched and threatened John multiple times before... he knew that it was wrong, but he still did it. He was attracted to John, but at the same time, he hated him. He violated him over and over again, just because he didn't know how to deal with his feelings. He hated the fact that John doesn't want to get involved in the hierarchy, the fact that he attacked Remi, and the fact that John is a lot more powerful than him. He took advantage of his own physical strength, because he knew that John couldn't do anything to him as long as he doesn't activate his ability because he's stronger with his passive. He rationalized every terrible thing that he did. He was afraid of John, when he should've been afraid of himself.

Asking for another chance was already too shameless of him, when it's something that he knew he doesn't deserve. He doesn't even understand how John forgave him, and how John developed feelings for him when he caused him so much pain.

Yet, Arlo still dared to be selfish with his feelings.

Sometimes, he could see how wary John is on his surroundings. There are still a few malicious whispers about John, and on those moments, John looked like he wanted to hide.

But what was Arlo expecting? Even if everyone knows about John's abilities, the whole school knew about the things that they did together. The dirty things that he did to John. Even if Cecile did it to expose Arlo's terrible deeds, John suffered the consequences more.

It's completely impossible to go back from zero. They can only pretend that they're fine, but he knows that John is still suffering.

It took a week for Seraphina to started hanging-out with John again, and for that, Arlo was glad that she's there for him.

Whenever he passes by John, John greets him with a smile. Sometimes they talk for a bit, and on some moments... John asks to meet-up with him on the rooftop.

Except that on those times, they didn't do anything. He didn't touch nor kissed John like he used to. But it's when he's there at the rooftop when he feels even more guilty. Despite everything that he did, he still wanted to hold him. He missed John's lips and he missed the warmth of his body. Arlo felt even more disgusted at himself.

They started out so wrong. He knows that he's a terrible person, but he wants to be better for John.

On the rooftop, John shares the random thoughts that he has. He tells him about his day, and the things that he's currently occupied with. There are moments when he laughs and tell jokes, and moments he just holds Arlo's hands for comfort.

The blond is just there to listen. It was mostly John sharing a part him, but Arlo doesn't share anything about himself.

At some point, he knew that John noticed it too.

"I can't help but feel that you're distancing yourself from me, Arlo." John told him, "You never tell me anything."

Because he's afraid of hurting John again.

"I just don't have anything interesting to share." Arlo replied, "You know that I've never been a talkative person."

"Yeah right, all you've talked about before is the hierarchy and order."

Because that's all Arlo ever thinks about. He didn't considered John's feelings, and the fact that he's not emotionally stable to shoulder the responsibility.

"I've been really terrible to you. I'm really sorry for everything, John..." Arlo apologized, "For all of the harassments that I did, for the peace that I took from you, and for the times I humiliated and caused you a lot of pain..."

Even now, Arlo couldn't even looked at him. He's apologizing to John, but he couldn't even look at the broken man in front of him.

"Sometimes, I didn't know if I was even alive." John admitted, "I keep meeting-up with you even when I know that you're doing all of that to hurt me."

Before, Arlo rationalized a lot of things because he wanted to ruin John, but he failed to realized that he's already ruined. The reason that he doesn't want to reveal and use his abilities was already a proof of that, but Arlo is too caught-up on his own beliefs to notice.

"When I told Sera about my ability, I felt like I've been freed. But... I was falling apart. Whenever I hurt someone, I felt like a monster, and until now, I'm still trying to forgive myself." John took a deep breath, "I know that it's the same for you. We can't change everything that already happened."

"I know." Arlo can never undo his mistakes no matter how much guilt he felt, "but even right now, even after everything that I did to you--"

"Ha... We're both a mess." John forced a laugh, "Starting over again was impossible from the very beginning. It was a bullshit idea, wasn't it?"

"You're right, John." Arlo finally turned his gaze at him, "Rather than starting over again, I should have asked... if you're willing to let me in as you heal."

"I'm not the only one who has to heal though. You have to forgive yourself too, Arlo..."

It was something at Arlo would never be able to do, because he what he did was unforgivable. John would forever carry the memories of the things that he did, as well as the the things that Arlo did to him. Arlo would forever carry that guilt. But perhaps someday, the pain won't be that great.

For now, they can only strive to do better.

Someday, he hoped that he'll be able to look at John, and hold him without guilt. But on the current state that they are, they knew that they had to focus on healing themselves first.

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[Note]

I contemplated whether I should publish this or not, because I wanted it to be a happy ending when I made it.

But, one of my regrets on this story is not showing enough of their guilt and pain, specially Arlo's guilt. It's been a few years since this story ended, and The King's Game With The Joker is my very first Jarlo story. Although it's full of mistakes and typos, it had a special place in my heart. But honestly, if it were the me from today, this fic wouldn't even be published at all...

Now, I've finally written a part that I've always wanted to write.

-Pleasant_Illusion