little bird | 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝘁𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗰

prologue

Brown. Brown were the trunks of the trees around her — cold, hollow, brittle, like her mother's sharp criticisms. Brown were the dead leaves under her paws, concealing sharp sticks or stones that bit her paws almost as sharply as the remarks of her peers.

Brown. The color of nearly everything in her world. She stood, pure white, letting the leaves drift around her, delicate and brittle, until settling into the coating, unperturbed and unmoving.

They crunched loudly under her paws, shattering the silence in her ears. Silence as loud as crashing water, as painful as the claws of her peers raking her side during battle training. Almost tangible. Just like the stinging disapproval her parents would never bother to hide, with their cold gazes piercing her. Telling her she would never reach their lofty, insurmountable expectations. Forcing her to try anyway.

"Sablepaw is quieter and more respectful than you are. Why do you not try to be more like him? Do you even understand what you do to truly be respected by your Clanmates?!"

"Look at Crescentpaw! Are you telling me that you are incapable of catching at least as much prey as he is?"

"You're such an embarrassment. You've sullied our family's reputation for good. Are you even trying?"

"Get out of my sight — aren't you ashamed? Don't you understand how much we've sacrificed for you?"

As much as she hated the way her parents never thought she was good enough for anything, she could, in a way, understand her parents' irritation. Duskmoon and Morningstem had both been popular candidates for the deputy position, long ago. And yet, Bloomstar had chosen Asterflight, a rather young and hearty warrior who was a bit too boisterous to give off an impression of a reliable deputy. But no one could argue with Bloomstar — her decision had been final. Who could have been bold enough to challenge their leader?

But the reason behind Bloomstar's decision had been largely due to Frostpaw.

At the time, Duskmoon and Morningstem saw Frostpaw as nothing but a shiny new ornament, ready to make them look better.

Something that could invoke praise from others, something they could show off and boast about. A trophy that they could use to soak in the admiration of their Clanmates. Something that they could leave somewhere and overlook from time to time. Something that had to live up to their honor and prestige.

Ever since then, Frostpaw had thought of Bloomstar as a fool. After all, she'd decided unwisely that Dustmoon and Morningstem needed more time to take care of their kit, saying that "you should spend more time together — you're family, after all."

Bloomstar went against LuneClan's beliefs. She went against the unsaid dogma that family wasn't as important as liabilities. She went against the notion that warriors should hold skill as the paramount value. She repudiated the idea of amenability being an ideal trait.

Perhaps that was why she chose Asterflight as her deputy. An irrational, petty way of showing the clan that she could do whatever she wanted, and none of them could stop her. Many cats were provoked by her unreasonable decision — but what could they do about it?

Frostpaw wished, desperately, selfishly, that either one of her parents could have been the deputy. She didn't believe either of them could make the clan better, but she couldn't bear the tacit accusation thrown at her every time Asterflight walked by her parents.

If you hadn't been born, that could have been me.

Despite their obvious hatred at the kit who stole their opportunity away, neither of them had abandoned Frostpaw. No, if anything, she had to be even more perfect to make up for that which she had taken from them. Every day since she had turned four moons, her mother would train her on the hard, rugged earth until her pads were blistering raw. She would practice the front paw swipe until her limbs burned and ached, screaming for her to stop as her mother told her exactly how she had failed, why she still wasn't good enough for anything, much less her love. She had done anything, everything her parents had demanded. Before she was even an apprentice, it felt like she was living without a mother.