Fall » Mikey Fusco

/6\

*EDITED*

LYDIA

It's not long after Emily goes to sleep that night, that I'm moved into the ICU. But everyone is asleep in the waiting room so my only visitor is me. Fortunately, that gives me some time to think about what's going on and how everything got this way.

What's going to happen when Thalia and I finally wake up? Will I remember that my mom is gone? Will I remember any of this?

Nurse Helen walks in at about one o'clock in the morning and sits at my bedside. She looks tired, and defeated.

"I'm sorry hunny," she says, barely above a whisper.

"Sorry? About what? What happened?" I'm frantic now.

"Your sister couldn't fight anymore and we did what we could." she says.

No.

Not Thalia.

No I promised...it was us against the world...

Getting up, I sprint to the maternity ward and into her room. There she is, lifeless and off the ventilator. The doctors have just finished calling it.

She's gone.

I don't cry as much as I did with my mom, but I am even more broken.

She will never grow old. Never fall in love. She'll never even reach double digits. I just hope she has another Mr. Snuffy to take with her into heaven, or else she'll be the biggest pain as an Angel.

Emily is told the next morning, along with the other girls and her father. Emily cries again, for an extra two hours and her father joins her.

I check in on the girls and see them all surrounding my bed with Chinese food.

"Chinese food for breakfast, huh? Leave it to Nicole to keep you all unhealthy." I smile to myself, needing some kind of joke.

"I can't believe this is all you could find, Nicky." Taylor complains.

"What? McDonald's wasn't selling anything good for breakfast." Nicole shrugged and ate quickly from her Chinese box.

"At least they had a breakfast menu. This is not breakfast." Miya adds.

"Shut up and eat your food. Kids in Africa are starving and you're going to complain about a non-nutritious breakfast." Nicole says.

All the girls giggle but Emily doesn't even crack a smile. She doesn't even eat. And she hasn't eaten since the accident. Fay notices and gently nudges her good leg.

"Hey, Em she's gonna be okay." she says.

"How do you know?" she snaps. "Thalia died this morning and her mother died last night. She could be next."

"Emily stop." Nicky says, harshly.

"It's true!"

Nicky slams her Chinese food box on my bedside table and gets up. "We're going for a walk. Let's go."

She walks out without checking to see if Emily will follow but everyone knows that she will. Emily limps along with her crutches and follows Nicole down the hall.

"You have to stop this." She says.

I quickly follow and walk beside Emily as they talk.

"I can't. I can't stop thinking about it. Any of it. I used to dance to take my mind off stuff but I can't even do that. What am I supposed to do?" Emily confesses.

"Quit acting like you're the only one hurting. Yes you and Lydia were friends a little while before the rest of us but we all fell in love with her family. We were all there when Mikey broke her heart. We're all here now." Nicky says.

"But you guys weren't the cause of the accident." Emily chokes out.

"No Emily." I whisper.

"Is that what this is about?" Nicole stops walking and helps Emily sit in chair in the hallway.

Emily hangs her head low and Nicole squats infront of her like a mom.

"It's my fault Thalia and Elly are dead. I was driving that car, I was the one not paying attention... I was yelling at her for something so stupid." Emily speaks barely above a whisper as silent tears fall down her cheeks.

"No. No Emily it was the drunk driver. It wasn't you." Nicky gently wipes away Emily's tears and takes her hands. "Listen to me, none of this is your fault. Everything happens for reason, yeah?"

"So Thalia died for a reason? A five year old never has a good reason for dying. Never." Emily replies.

"You're right. Maybe this will just make Lydia fight harder. She's not someone who gives up. She fights so hard and maybe this will get Mikey's dancing little butt over here." Nicky smiles, softly.

Emily smiles as I watch them. Nicky reminds Emily one more time that it wasn't her fault and that I would never blame her.

And Nicky's right. I don't blame her.

I could never.

******

I was twelve when Thalia was born. It was a few days after my father had died and honestly, I wanted nothing to do with her. She had all of my dad's features. The same wide nose, blue eyes. She was born with a full head of hair which was the same brown as my dad's.

I had taken the blondish brunette hair from my mom but Thalia just took everything from dad.

It hurt too much to look at her. Mom saw her as a gift and a reminder, even though for the first few months, I could see the pain in her eyes everytime she held my baby sister.

I finally started liking her the night she turned four months. My mom had worked double shifts at the dance studio and was still tired from having Thalia so she didn't wake up when she was screaming her head off.

It was up to me and with a lot of grumbling, I got up and walked into her room and I fell in love. As soon as she saw me, she stopped crying and looked up at me.

I could see her clear blue eyes easily and my heart melted. I gently lifted her into my arms and let her hold my finger as she peered around the room.

Thalia became my everything from that moment on. I showed her off everytime the girls came over and everytime we went shopping. I loved Thalia with everything I had and everytime I had a bad day, she was there to give me a big hug.

When she was a bit older and found out dad died before they met, she was heartbroken. But I told her we would be okay. That mom was doing the best she could and it would always be us against the world.

She held onto that forever.

Or at least, for as long as she could before she was gone.

******

Nicky and Emily return to the girls and I follow close behind them. When we walk in, they're tossing a ball around with music playing. Burning Gold by Christina Perri, my favourite song.

Emily and Nicole don't waste any time in joining in.

As I sit and watch them fool around and laugh, I can see how happy they are that I'm at least alive.

Emily will be okay. They all will. Everyone who I still know and love, they will be fine.

But I can't say the same for myself.