A Test of Faith [bxb]

6. Help Me to Understand His Words

I'd love to say that he kissed me after that. That he said You didn't misread things and followed up with the same desperation that I tasted on the hike. That he whisked me away into the forest where we stayed all night long.

But he didn't.

The reality, unfortunately, was much different. I hadn't had time to process Ezra's words before he made me resume the short walk back to the campsite. Our friends joined us shortly after, determined, as Alex said, to bring the fun to the disabled. It took me hours to finally realize what Ezra had been insinuating; by the time I did, there was no opportunity to steal him away.

I hadn't misread things. Every touch, every fire he started on my skin, was on purpose. And he felt the flames, too.

I wasn't able to talk to Ezra alone until the next morning. Parents would start arriving just after breakfast, so the campsite was buzzing with scouts franticly packing as soon as the sun rose past the mountains.

Ezra, like the proper Molly Mormon he was raised to be, was completely packed before we even began scrambling. He was patiently waiting, and I felt his eyes on me as I rushed to clean out my tent before the others.

"Ezra?" I called over nonchalantly as I began yanking tentpoles from the ground. "Can you help me?"

He bit back a smile from where he was seated on the dirt. He felt the flames, too. It was an impossible task silencing the butterflies in my stomach as he approached. "I was wondering when you were gonna try to talk," Ezra chuckled, pushing my hands off the pole and pulling it out in one motion.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just a damsel in distress."

"Oh? Nothing to talk about?" He pulled up the last pole and threw it on the ground with the others. "So I'm all done here?"

"I hate you. Let's go," I said, pushing past him to lead the way out of the campsite. I couldn't hide my smile when I heard the crunch of dirt behind me as Ezra followed.

The cove wrapped us in its inviting warmth. It was a warmth beyond temperature; the warmth was in its peace, in its serenity, in the words Ezra told me the day before.

"So," I started, "I didn't misread things." It was a leap of faith that had my core burning, and I had to focus on the path ahead to ground myself. There were no songbirds to challenge me this time around.

Ezra wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulders as we walked side by side. "Is your ankle feeling better?"

It wasn't, but I refused to acknowledge his redirection. "Ezra," I groaned.

His laugh filled the cove and added to its warmth. "No, you didn't." I elbowed his side, not satisfied with his inadequate answer. "I'm, uh, I'm sorry I pulled away."

I'd forgotten that he had rejected me. The relief I had felt from his confession became overshadowed by the memory of him pulling away. He felt the flames, but he had still pulled away. I didn't know how I could forget. I felt nauseous, and the ground started warping beneath my feet. "I need to sit down," I managed. The butterflies in my stomach felt like wasps, tearing up my core.

Ezra stopped in front of me, his large hands gripping my shoulders tightly, holding me up as the earth tried to swallow me whole. "Luca." I couldn't meet his gaze; I couldn't face the memory of the rejection all over again. "Luca, look at me."

"Why?"

"What?"

I swallowed the pit in my throat and brought my eyes up to meet his. He was searching my face, chewing on that stupid lip. "I just don't get it."