New Instinct

Chapter 27 - Poison Heart

Stiles body fizzed and his mind reeled as he stayed sat on the boys bathroom floor, his head in his hands as he contemplated what to do. He knew he needed his pack but he was afraid to tell them. Salem had done something to him, corrupted him, what if they thought he was bad too, beyond saving. Maybe he was? He sat there for a few minutes before he heard someone heading into the bathroom, he couldn't really be bothered moving or sitting up properly, but instead just looked up weakly as they entered the door. It was Scott. Stiles looked at him in surprise as his best friend rushed towards him quickly, it wasn't who he was expecting at all. "S-Scott? What are y-you doing here?" He said shakily as Scott knelt in front of him, his eyes wide and a concerned look on his face that lately he knew all too well.

"Dude...Lydia texted me...fuck...what happened bro?..." his voice was calm but full of worry as his eyes searched all over his face. He could tell that he was trying his best to remain calm and collected. Scott was always good at that, always good at not letting his emotions get the better of him, at thinking things through rationally before he acted to make sure he'd thought about all the possible outcomes. Maybe that's what made him such a good alpha. Stiles, on the other hand, didn't do well at this. He was always too emotional, always too stressed. It wasn't exactly like he could help it, he knew he had a ADHD but he always wondered how different his life would be if he could handle problems like Scott did. But it wasn't all bad, he knew he was intelligent and good at solving puzzles, his dad argued that it would make him a good detective one day, well maybe if he made it that far. He was good at making plans, there was no doubt about that, but thats probably were his expertise ended. He couldn't fight, not like Scott and the others could, his anxiety always ran too high, he was always worried about the pack, always trying to think ahead but forgetting to look to what was going on right in front of him. His mom used to argue that he was just a caring friend, all the worry he had, she said it made him a good person. Maybe he was, but with the way Salem had affected him, he didn't think that would last long. His anxiety and concern for others often overrode most of conscience decisions, often made him impulsive and most of the time he pushed his feelings away, never telling anybody until they surfaced back and bit them in the ass. Every time it happened, he always vowed to try, to tell someone, to try to do something about it, but he never listened to himself and he never held his promise. Maybe this was one of those times.

"I-I erm I guess I lost control but...Scott it felt different this time...I felt bad...it felt wrong..." Stiles struggled to explain his feelings as he spoke, worried of what Scott would say. It was sometimes hard to explain his complicated feelings to someone who always seemed so perfect, so in control and grounded, someone who always knew the right thing to do. It was hard to imagine now, but Stiles tried to get himself to reminisce back to Scott when he first turned. Back when they were both 16 and no one knew who they were. Life was different then. When it was just the two of them stumbling around in the dark to try to figure things out. He definitely made a few mistakes then, they both did. No one is born perfect. He just had to remind himself that it took Scott years to become the way he is now, no one ever starts off in control. They learn it, they adapt to it. And just maybe, control was a little overrated. "Yeah...Lydia said that you had these horrible black veins surrounding your arms and um...your eyes they erm..." he trailed off as he looked at him directly. "Yeah I erm noticed it too when I got in here. I was looking in the mirror....and I swear they flashed this like bright white for a second...what do you think it means Scott?" Stiles spoke timidly as he kept his gaze low to the floor, terrified of the answer.

"Honestly bro? I have no clue I've never seen that before well Erm...not on another werewolf...I saw your eyes do it once before however, when Liam got injured and you lost control in my kitchen..." Scott trailed off solemnly, he knew Stiles wouldn't be happy that he kept that from him. Stiles now looked at him more intensely, his attention suddenly refocused. "Wait what? My eyes-They turned white!?" He asked back quickly, his frustration growing about how in the dark everyone seemed to be leaving him lately, he was sick of it. Didn't he deserve to know? "Erm yeah...only for a moment...I didn't really believe it at first to be honest... or at least i didn't want to." he mumbled without meeting his eyes as Stiles sat up straighter, he could feel a bit of anger burning inside the pit of his stomach as he tried his hardest to ignore it. "Are you kidding? Why didn't you tell me?!" His voice grew loud as he shouted as Scott almost winced at his reaction, like he knew it would happen but it still surprised him regardless. "I erm just didn't want to worry you, i know what you're like. I mean it could've been nothing-" Scott began to explain but Stiles cut him off. "No! Cut the shit Scott! Could've been nothing?? You should have told me, I had a right to know! Does everyone else know about this?!" He yelled back, his hands frantic as he spoke, becoming more agitated. Scott finally met his eyes, giving him a simple nod as Stiles tutted in frustration, looking away as he felt his control begin to slip away. Scott noticed quickly. He knew he needed to change the topic. "Look look it has to be something that Salem did to you okay but we can figure it out. I promise you we can. That's what we do best Stiles, we always figure things out." Scott seemed hopeful for a moment, just like he always did, it was Stiles that was the pessimistic one. "You can't promise that." He replied bluntly, dropping his gaze in defeat as Scott frowned. He placed a gentle hand on his shoulder to comfort him. "Hey stop that! Stop assuming the worst every time. We've been through a lot, and even when things seemed bleak we've always pulled through, it's what we do." He gave him a small smile but Stiles didn't seem to buy it, not this time. Things hadn't felt this bleak in a long time, not since Void. "But what if we can't...?" His voice was low and solemn as  he fiddled with the floor tile. Scott couldn't help the sinking feeling in his stomach as he stared at his best friend. He knew how negative and realistic he could be, but something was different this time. Maybe he was right. But he tried his best not to think about it.