Sisters By Blood

Chapter 4 - A shout out to the dead. [Sasha]

I sat alone at the funeral taking the seat closest to the front with a small wooden podium staring me blankly in the face, I could tell I had spent too much time staring at it; I had counted the splinters twice. A red bound book was placed in the middle with a golden cross embedded on the front, definitely something that my father had asked for. My mother was spiritual but wasn't in any shape or form religious, she had a belief that every religion was right and every religion also had its falsehoods. She never shamed anyone for what they believed, and she never told me what to believe. My father was a devoted Christian, well, when it suited him to be. I stared at a portion of the book I could see, my mind rested on the white pages but something grabbed my attention.

My father had walked onto the small stage with a podium he placed his fingers on the corners close to him, as he gazed on against the crowd; lingering in the back. I dared not to turn around and face the crowd of the people who had come to say goodbye. I didn't want to look at all the sympathetic smiles that were placed on my face, distant family from dad's side were there but they never approved of him marrying my mother. A stain on their prestigious family, they never dared to even try to get to know me. The audience was silent with a few muffled sobs and the blowing of noses, not a single person dared to speak.

"I want to thank you all for being here today," His voice was weak and strained as he spoke about how hard it was to let go of his best friend. His head held down and his hand lifting to run across to the leather cover of the bible on his podium, "I feel my wife would tell me I was being rude if I didn't." A small forced chuckle left his mouth as he looked upwards towards the crowd, the people drying and clearing their tears. His eyes fell on me, a sympathetic smile shot across his face but it had the opposite effect; like a dagger in my side. "We all know that Loretta was a great woman, she was kind-hearted and sweet." He continued to speak about my mom, every time the part-tense was used another knife jabbed into my gut.

My hands had begun gripping at my knees trying to gain any semblance of control and trying to fight every tear that was forming in my eyes beneath my designer sunglasses. Nails dug into the fabric of the dress and dug into the flesh on my leg leaving short half-moons on my body. All these people wanted something from me and here I was trying to stop myself from appearing as "weak," to a bunch of strangers that had never given me the time of day. A softly felt my eyes close as a held my breath allowing the sounds of my father's voice to flood my head like a tsunami.

"When I had met Loretta we were merely kids out of college wanting to take on the big bad world around us, she didn't come with money yet she was rich. She was rich with a vision of the world seeing things in a different light, and she had optimism that was infected anyone who was lucky to meet her." Dad's voice crumbling over the words he had written down, his bible was there to give him some sort of semblance of strength, and though I didn't believe in some powerful god; I was glad he had something. That's when my mind pulled me away from the speech, instead of listening to my father I had filled my own mind with thoughts of what my own funeral would be like. Who would come? Who wouldn't? Mom had died of a "pulmonary embolism." a blood clot that swiftly travelled to her lung and we discovered it too late; they say it was peaceful. I don't know how any part of death could be peaceful, maybe the person who dies doesn't feel anything but that burden is placed on the living.

"My daughter, Sasha has prepared a few words." My father spoke lifting his hand and stretching towards me, I didn't notice that he had spoken to me or even addressed me at all still trapped in the cage of my own thoughts. Until I felt his heavy hand resting against my right shoulder with a smile forming on his face, "You ready?" He whispered to me in a tone almost I couldn't hear even with his lips inches away from my ears. Reality hit me like a truck as I shot back into my own body as my eyes met with him, I slowly began to nod softly towards him before dusting myself off and getting up.

"I am not really sure what to say, I had this whole speech written for this. I spent the last few days working on it and-" I took in a harsh breath shuddering me to my core, "My mother used to take me to this small ice cream shop every 2nd Saturday of the month," I faltered to find the right words, "I would sit and eat a nut-free cone while we talked about this and that. She told me stories about... everything." I was getting emotional now, "She told me all about her life, she told me all about the family she grew up in, she told me about her memories of people she knew and places she went to," another sharp inhalation, "She told me about her plans for the future, what she wanted to do." another deep breath, "There were no secrets." My eyes stung with tears. "Without fail, she'd order the same ice cream and the same milkshake, eat too fast and have a brain freeze." I felt a genuine smile tug at my lips as I pulled the sunglasses off, " "I never really got why she did it until recently, it made me smile."

"She had more friends than anyone you have ever met in your life." I continued moving away from the memory, an experience that I would never have again. I was laying it all out there on the table to strangers that I barely even knew, I had never even spoken to them in my life. I guess I figured that if I didn't really know them then it wouldn't really hurt. "I guess my point is, my mother was a very unique person. I love you, Mom. Forever and always." I reached down into the small basket of roses and threw the first red rose atop of the coffin, no dirt had been placed on it yet but we had a rose for every guest.

The wave of people approached me as they took their rose asking the same question re-worded and shaking my father's hand; or even giving him a hug. Each time I gave the same cold response, I wasn't mad at these people I was mad at the world. I had cried all my tears out and now stood numb to it all, I felt bad that these strangers had lost my Mom but also felt that none of them truly understood the loss I was going through. Two girls were the last to speak to me and my father, it was jarring seeing someone who must have been related to my mother she was a spitting image of her. Her hands overlapped with the girl beside her, I could tell easily that they were sisters but something felt familiar with them.

"Noemi and Tamara," My father made the first words, he hadn't done this for anyone else but these two must have been special in some sort of way, "I am glad you two decided to show up, I assume my letter reached you in time." He held out his hand for them to shake but the oldest of the two simply folded her arms over her chest; she seemed mad to be here. I was feeling the anger boil in my body at her utter disrespect. "I know this must be hard for you both." He continued to speak I looked over at him confusion taking over my anger. 

"Dad?" I muttered tugging on his blazer like a kid all over again, begging to be let into this secret; maybe my statement about no secrets wasn't as truthful as I thought. "Who are these girls?" I raised my eyebrow.
"Oh, he didn't tell you?" The oldest spoke up as the younger sister jabbed her in the side with her elbow, "Loretta, was our mother." A bullet had stricken my chest as I raised my hands over the necklace dangling between my breasts.
"Noemi..." Who I assumed was Tamara shook her head softly, "I am sorry for your-- our loss." Tamara continued placing her last rose in the grave, as it fell it felt as if time itself had slowed to a halt as all these new emotions plagued my body. "Guess that technically makes us sisters." Tamara's hand ran along her arm, she was nervous as was I while Noemi spent her time having a staredown with Dad.

The word sisters rang out in my head like emergency alarms going off, I wanted to deny the claims but everything was added up. Noemi looked so much like Loretta looking at her was breaking my heart, and Tamara really had the soul of my mother; as crazy as it was it felt like Mom was here with us all. My legs began to weaken beneath me as my eyes fell on my father for guidance or support or anything.

"i am sure you have a lot of questions," He turned away from his starting completion with Noemi to look at me once again, "all of you." He held his hand upwards and directed the girls towards the direction of our limo. "We are having a get together for close family, Loretta would of wanted you to be there."
"I don't see why she wasn't here for any of our gets together." Noemi harshly whispered under her breath I stepped forward to stay something and almost in unison Tamara and Dad blocked us from getting into an argument.
"We'd love to attend." Tamara jumped in before Noemi could even get a chance to speak, "but I'd like to take our own car if that's ok."
"Of course, just follows behind us so you don't get lost." Dad agreed ushering me towards the limo.