And Counting || Silvanna Snape

Chapter Three

The field with the shady tree near Spinner's End looked much like it always had, except now there was a small block of flats overlooking it. She wanted to be careful; she didn't have to worry about her dad, or even her brother, but Lily might be around, and she didn't much fancy seeing her, or anyone else for that matter.

She didn't think she could withstand it. If she was completely honest with herself, nothing felt right. She hated herself, hated the world, hated her family - but couldn't be bothered to be angry. She didn't have the energy. If she didn't have work, or functions, or wedding planning, she'd probably never get out of bed. She was exhausted; she simply wanted to sleep forever.

Autumn was beginning to leave its mark, the odd leaf laying on the pavement and the trees tinted with orange at their tips. It had been a mistake wearing stilettos, as she'd forgotten the cobbled streets of Crowpot Village. But Evelyn gave her no choice these days, forever clearing out and restyling her wardrobe. She missed Hogwarts and her wonderful shoes and boots. She had remembered her wool jacket instead of a cloak though, not wanting to stand out against the muggles. This had failed spectacularly, as she now looked very posh and was cold.

She arrived at the village shop in the centre, and opened the door, the bell tinkling to announce her arrival. It was the same as ever, just with a fresh lick of paint. Marianne's familiar face poked around the corner, plumper than before and her hair with a few grey streaks through it.

"Silvanna Snape," she said, bumbling around the counter to stare at her, "is that you?"

She felt her cheeks warm and smiled. "It is."

Marianne stepped forward and embraced her tightly. "Goodness it's been years - look at you! - I can't have seen you since your poor mum passed?"

"No, my brother and I moved away a bit after that."

"Oh, bless you." She held her hands more tightly than expected. "Oh my - is that an engagement ring?"

She held it up, not at all reluctant, not for Marianne. "It is indeed."

"It's huge!" she gaped at her, wide eyes flicking back and forth. "Some posh fella from your fancy school?"

"My friend's brother," she admitted.

"Well!" she said, surveying her once more. "Just look at you - you know I always hoped you and Jim would end up together..." Silvanna missed the sadness that clouded her eyes, instead looking over her shoulder and through the door.

"Is Jim here? I was hoping to see him. I ought to have written ahead..."

Now she did notice the look on Marianne's face. "I suppose nobody thought to tell you - Jim had an accident sweetheart."

Two.

The area around her neck fluttered, and she felt the pounding of her heart. "An accident?"

She had tears in her eyes now. "He fell down some steps - the Doctors said it was head trauma. He's alive but - well we had to put him in a carehome."

"Oh Mer- my God," she said, catching herself before she said something that would truely baffle her. "I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"I'll write the address down so you can visit him if you'd like? Can I take yours while I'm at it honey?"

"Oh - uh - yeah." She paused. She didn't really want to leave her Whitechapel address - for one it had the word Manor in it, secondly she didn't want Evelyn or Severus seeing muggle post, and thirdly, she was definitely not living there forever. "It's this cottage in Wales, I'm living with my friend Remus..."

*****

Harricott Care and Residential Home wasn't difficult to find, especially now that she could apparate. She had to get the bus from a nearby town because she'd never been before, but it wasn't too far and she was grateful for the journey anyway. It was nice to be away from everything.

When she arrived it was down a short but steep drive. She stepped through the doorway, the stench of mustiness and disinfectant washing over her. There was an old woman staring at her, her back hunched, and she clutched a zimmer-frame. Her hair was tousled, and Silvanna felt terrible that this was probably the first place she'd been the most put-together person there.

"Hello?" a bossy voice echoed from around the corner, and a nurse leaned into the hallway. Her eyes scanned her. "Oh - hello Miss - how can I help you?"

"I'm here to visit Jim Berrycloth? His mum gave me the address."

"It's not technically visiting hours..." She trailed off, her eyes looking her up and down again. "I suppose you can pop in for a bit. He's just through here..."

Upon closer inspection, Jim was the only one under the age of fifty, possibly sixty. It appeared the carehome specialised in dementia care, so while it was still a shock, she was slightly eased into seeing Jim.

She didn't blame Marianne for not expanding on her description of Jim's accident, but if she'd been able to tell her a little more it would have been nice. She thought they were going through enough though without her showing up. A sudden feeling of guilt overwhelmed her.

But there was Jim. Physically he looked the same, his messy brown hair, his freckled skin. He'd lost his muscular stature though, and he had an empty, far-away look in his eyes.

She sat on a chair in front of him, folding her hands over her skirt and sitting up straight. It was habit now. "Hello, Jim." He looked at her, but didn't quite see, and he didn't reply. Her heart twanged.

"How long has he been here?"

"Gosh, it's coming up on two and a half years now," said the nurse. She left.

She didn't know what to do. "I've graduated," she offered. "And I'm engaged." She realised that might make him more sad. "I don't like him as much as you," she added in a whisper. "But you can't tell him that."

There was silence in the room.

"We're having purple flowers at the wedding. And I've got a job - it's dead science-y, you'd hate it. Ha - if you'd could see me now you'd think I'm a right twat - even my fancy friends from school think I'm a proper snob. I'm not though, promise." Jim would have laughed at that once. She thought she'd like her shoes to be a little less shiny.

She bid him goodbye and left.

"Miss!" Her hand paused on the doorknob as the nurse rushed up behind her. "Thank you for coming. Would you like to take one of our donation leaflets?"

She hardly had to think about it. "Do you take monthly donations?"

"We do, yes."

"I'll just leave my bank details then."