Selfish Mistakes

13 - Doubts and Disappointments

There was no reason to feel guilty.  He was merely turned off sexually to engage in physical contact like that of a boy with an awful puberty feeling of being caught by one's mother while doing something naughty.  He began to question himself if Liz had that same effect on him that would incite such awkward feelings.

"Is something wrong, baby?"  She was stunned by his sudden reaction to pull away from her advances as if he woke up from a nightmare.  What could have caused him to retract from their heated moment?

His phone vibrated silently with an incoming call. There was an undeniable yearning for it to be an emergency case of a patient to force him to leave without having to justify why he must go.

Removing himself from Darlene's clingy clutches and missing his coffee date with Liz at the same time would be a perfect way to conclude his afternoon.

Obviously he wasn't as clever as other men who would approach this dilemma with an innate talent to weasel their way around this without having to abandon both opportunities or getting caught.

The most convenient escape right now that he could unimaginatively hope for was to take a hold of one of his patients with a dire need for his medical expertise. Most women become less demanding or spiteful when they realize that he's always unavailable because he's attending to his patients who happen to be children.

He couldn't thank his lucky stars enough if only he believed in that shit. It was his secretary Nancy who called informing him of an emergency case of a ruptured appendix of a twelve-year-old patient.  He didn't need to explain anything to Darlene because he was repeating vital words that spelled urgent business.

She looked disappointed while trying to fake a smile.  However, she wasn't about to give up easily as she handed him a calling card. "Call me, ok?"

Jeremy headed back to the hospital while texting an apology for cancelling with Liz.  Her trite reply was an "ok" that hadn't really offered an adequate clue if she was pissed off or disappointed.

He chose to let it go by refraining from over-thinking conclusions or clouding his focus.  His job was always his top priority and he was the kind of doctor who sets strict high standards on his own performance.

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Liz came home with a heavy heart.  Walking around aimlessly through the department store at the baby section had worn her to a frazzle.  She hadn't realized it would feel so complicated to find oneself obligated to compulsively window shop for baby stuff this early.

It had been three days since she missed her period.  There was no way to dismiss the fact that it was something out of the ordinary but there was a part of her that wanted to be comforted in denial.  In the end, she gave into common sense and bought the cheapest pregnancy test at the pharmacy during lunch to test her urine.

It was weird not to feel anything while she headed for the ladies restroom, in her mind she knew she ought to feel excited but she felt blank.  It took less than five seconds for the cassette strip to be saturated with the droplets sample to show the second purple line.

She took the box and flipped it over to read the interpretation printed at the back to make sure what those two purple lines on the result window meant.  POSITIVE.  She was definitely pregnant.

She knew she ought to jump for joy because it was her goal to get pregnant while her health can still somehow permit it.  But it felt like-NOTHING.  The question came into mind if she was still in shock, but then how could she be in denial when she knew the natural course of unprotected sex on and off the safe days would lead to procreation.

She meant to tell Jeremy but their coffee date was cancelled because he had an emergency case for surgery.  Liz couldn't decide how to go about breaking the news to him.  It felt rather dumb to tell him through a text message.  Besides, she wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to tell him or anyone for now.

A blood test might be optional, the over-the-counter home pregtest was sometimes inaccurate and could give a false-positive result.  Let's not forget that it was the cheapest brand and that the second line seemed rather faint.

Liz was getting frustrated with herself.  She couldn't understand why she was even contesting the possibility that she was actually pregnant.  She should be happy despite the circumstances and the complications.

Instead of celebrating, she decided to walk around the department store to look around.  Maybe it would spark a feeling of excitement if she would see things baby related.  As she passed by the newborn apparels, it tugged a familiar joy that almost made her cry a little.

But the feeling didn't linger on and she was back into her somber musings about the situation.  It was the decision making part that was causing a lot of turmoil whether she would inform Jeremy or wait until everything becomes too obvious to deny.  Being pregnant would be easy to hide at least for a few months until your belly starts sticking out of course.

She wasn't frightened, it was just a case of uncertainty that was taking a toll on her psychologically.