Warrior's Mind (Book 2 of The Warrior Chronicles)

Chapter 15

By the time the fitting was over, the sky was streaked with shades of pink and the bonfire had been lit. Leyla walked past the happily chatting women as she looked for signs of Jara and Raphael. Both men were seated beside the Elder on the other side of the flames, being served hand and foot by the tall Akrepa women who appeared to be less perturbed by their presence.

Slowing her step, Leyla took a deep breath, glad that she no longer could smell the bitter-citrus scent of the Akras. Goddess cloth. Had Jara really kicked up this entire fuss to have the blade-proof shirt made for her? Was it because he was worried his fiancé-killer might hurt her? Leyla sighed, trying not too get irritated. A good leader did not send a subordinate into battle without armour; she could understand his feelings, but it stemmed from misplaced concern and was a waste of time... there was nothing for it, they would have to wait for sunrise now.

For a long moment Leyla stared into the dancing flames, remembering the last time she had stood in front of a bonfire. At the sword-giving ceremony in the Warrior Kingdom, she hid her identity from Alec...yet he recognized her despite her efforts.

Alec had always seen her, Leyla, when others just saw the mixed-blood Warrior.

Leyla remembered the first moment they met. You did well, Greeneyes, he had said, patting her back. Those were the first words of encouragement she had received in her life; they were words she would never forget. Her eyes following the yellow-orange tips of the flames, her mind filled with memories of Alec. The way he looked as he rode his horse into the No Lands to save her. His large hand holding hers as walked in the Greenland markets. The heat of his kiss by the candle lit pond. The fire crackled as Leyla remembered the look in his clear blue eyes when he said I love you.

Her hand rose to her chest.

It hurt.

Why does it hurt?

"Lieutenant?"

She turned her head, surprised to find Raphael standing right beside her. "Prorex," she cleared her throat, her gaze shifting to his bandaged hand. "How is your wound?"

Raphael stared at her for a long moment, his eyes a molten-gold in the firelight. "Better than yours."

"I'm not hurt-" she began, but he was raising that brow again.

"You are," Raphael sighed. Then he sat down on the dark sand and gestured for her to do the same. "What I said the other day...that you don't understand men. It took me a while to realize that that is not entirely true."

"Not entirely?" Leyla muttered, brushing sand off of her hands as she settled on the ground beside him.

"Yes, not entirely," The Prorex laughed and it struck Leyla anew how young he looked when he was carefree like this; when he wasn't calculating. Was he the same age as Alec? He must be...

"It can't be denied that you are naive when it comes to aspects of, well, let's say relations between men and women."

Leyla wrapped her arms around her legs, too tired to take offence.

"And sometimes it even seems like you don't have any feelings." Raphael turned to look at her then, "But that's not true, is it Lieutenant? It's not that you don't feel, it's that you are afraid to."

Was he calling her a coward?

Seeing her narrowed eyes the Prorex held up his hands with a laugh.

"I am aware Warriors are not meant to feel fear and you are without doubt the most courageous woman, no, person I know," Raphael let his hands drop, his expression turning serious. "But Lieutenant, life has led you to be afraid of your feelings." He was silent for a moment, watching her with his all-knowing eyes. "At the orphanage you will have surmised that wanting affection only led to pain. In the army you were taught emotions would get you killed. And later, when you finally dared to indulge your feelings, the one who you gave your heart to, let you down."

Let her down? Yes, that was the right way to word it. She knew Alec had not betrayed her in his mind, but he had forsaken her with his decisions. Leyla stared ahead, into the depths of the fire, too embarrassed to look at Raphael. How did he know things about her, she couldn't even put in to words? How could he see her so clearly?

"I saw the look in your eyes, back at the Aquapond." Raphael said, as if he was reading her mind. He was leaning back on his arms now, firelight playing across his high-cheekbones as he watched the star speckled sky. "That pain, I recognise it."

Leyla watched the small smile at the corner of his mouth and wondered what a man who always seemed so amused by life, so in control of it, could know of pain.

"I know pushing it away and locking it up may seem easier, but it will not disappear that way," he said gently. "Pain, when it's not dealt with it, scars the soul."

Leyla knew what Raphael said was true. In the Warrior Kingdom, they were taught as young children that grief would become a deadweight if it was not let go. In a place where death was constant, grieving was imperative but short; the passing of family and friends was accepted, mourned and let go in a single day.

And yet Leyla had not been able to let go of her dream. She had not accepted that she and Alec could no longer be together. She was still clinging to hope.

Fool.

She was a fool. It didn't matter what had happened in the past, the present was clear; Alec was married. He was a married man, and his solution to their happiness was making Leyla a mistress.

Her dream was dead. She had to accept that now, before the pain of loss turned her into an idiot.

The Akrepa women's song ended and another began as the Prorex sat quietly beside her, looking into the fire. Leyla took a deep breath, a strange feeling of loss filling her lungs. It was melancholy, but nothing like the sharp pain that had threatened to overwhelm her before.

"Leyla." The sudden urgency in Raphael's voice had her instantly alert. "We are under attack."